My Sinking Heart

Good morning…

My heart sank when my close friend texted yesterday morning, four days into her unexpected hospital stay: “Waiting for the pathology from the spinal tap. Yes, no doubt there is an abnormality. They have it in one of two camps: a very rare syndrome that causes recurrent meningitis or a malignant tumor. Praying no malignant or other cancer that can do harm. That is the prayer. I know you will echo this with your own sentiments. God is inviting people to pray hard, trust Him, believe it is through Him the answer to this prayer will come. What a privilege to be the individual that He is using to prompt prayers. Love to you.”

My heart sank deeper than before, because just over a month ago I was praying hard, trusting God, and believing in His healing power when our 41 year old friend, Julie, died thirty-eight days after being diagnosed with stomach cancer. I was left wondering, “What does praying hard, trusting God, and believing in His healing power do, really?”

For six grueling years, we have prayed diligently for my friend Jennifer’s 11 year old daughter and so far we have witnessed God’s gracious hand carrying Audrey toward health, medical miracle after medical miracle. We praise the LORD for Audrey’s recent scan result: No Evidence of Disease. Yet, how can we keep praising God when Julie’s healing miracle did not occur on earth, leaving two young boys without a mom, a well-loved husband without his wife, and a community of hurting family and friends without Julie face-to-face?

How did my heartfelt prayers affect Audrey’s good report? How did my prayers impact Julie’s sudden passing? What help could my prayers offer to my hospitalized friend? This side of heaven I will not get clear answers, but this side of heaven I still choose to pray hard. I still choose to trust God. I still choose to believe in His healing power.

We are told to ask the LORD for our heart’s deepest desires, so I prayed hard all day for my dear friend. I trusted God and believed the answer to my prayers would come through Him somehow, some way. Last night, around 5:30 pm, her name appeared on my cell phone. I answered right away. My sinking heart stood still. “They have found no cancer. I am cancer free.” We rejoiced together at her good news.

Who can measure the wealth and wisdom and knowledge of God?
Who can understand his decisions or explain what he does?
“Has anyone known
the thoughts of the Lord
or given him advice?
Has anyone loaned
something to the Lord
that must be repaid?”
Everything comes from the Lord.
All things were made because of him and will return to him.
Praise the Lord forever! Amen (Romans 11:33-36, CEV).