Good morning…
Following my post on 2.2.16, “This is who you are,” I received a very touching, heartfelt email from a friend. “I’ve copied your blessing from today. It is a much needed reminder this morning as I guide my daughter through a very difficult situation.” She went on to explain that her daughter was not welcomed into the fold when she moved to Atlanta in 5th grade, then last year, one of her earliest friends pinned on her one of the most “damning labels” in the school: “lesbian,” and the night before emailing me, the mom accidentally learned that her sixteen year old daughter and another in her inner circle of six close friends were excluded from a birthday party. She finished her letter saying, “As I got out of bed today, I reminded myself that we are all God’s BELOVED — that’s what matters. It’s hard to feel excluded, but, to grow into all that God intends for us, we need to cut from the judgement of the fickle crowd and keep listening to the LORD. Right?”
My mom-heart reached out to her mom-heart with an email drenched with compassion.
I wrote: “These are treacherous, hard-rushing waters. It is scary to stand beside life’s raging stream, worrying over our well-being and the well-being of our loved ones. Yet just as tears flooded me a few mornings back as I stood beside a raging stream in the dark (see 2.1.16 post “Walking in the dark. Twice.”), if we lean back, look up, and let God lead, we and our loved ones will be carried downstream on God’s powerful Current, becoming more and more fully who the LORD created us to be.”
I explained to her: “This week, I shared with my classes the clay mask my nineteen year old made when she was in 5th grade, when the ‘mean girls’ were excluding her, disturbing her innocent equilibrium, wreaking emotional havoc. I remember her saying when I asked her about her powerfully unique, tear-streaked mask, ‘Everyone else was making big, smiley-faced masks and I wanted mine to be different.’ From early on, we all learn: It hurts to be different. Fitting in, conforming, seems like the easier, happier path of least resistance, but when we lead with our smiley, crowd-pleasing mask, we are not sharing who we truly are, a prerequisite for deep belonging.”
I explained further, “Brene Brown says in our book for this semester, The Gifts of Imperfection, ‘Most of us use the terms fitting in and belonging interchangeably, and like many or you, I’m really good at fitting in. We know exactly how to hustle for approval and acceptance. We know what to wear, what to talk about, how to make people happy, what not to mention – we know how to chameleon our way through the day. One of the biggest surprises in this research on wholehearted living was learning that fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you be who you are,’ (p. 25).”
I concluded: “Your daughter is so very fortunate to have you as her mother. You have cried a few tears in your own lifetime, so her tears do not frighten you, and you have the self control of the Holy Spirit to keep your own tears from intermixing with the tears she must experience herself. You know, like I do, that tears tenderize our hardened spots, making us more pliable and useful in the caring, creative hands of our Potter. I am praying for you as God guides you and your daughter through this difficult situation. I love you. Your authenticity touches me deeply.”
I had sunk down below the underwater mountains; I knew that forever, I would be a prisoner there.
But, you, Lord God, rescued me from that pit.
When my life was slipping away, I remembered you–and in your holy temple you heard my prayer.
All who worship worthless idols turn from the God who offers them mercy.
But with shouts of praise, I will offer a sacrifice to you, my Lord.
I will keep my promise, because you are the one with power to save, Jonah 2:6-9 (CEV),
Sue
