Good morning…
A wonderfully wide array of women filled the Chapel at Northside Church last night as we gathered for our annual Women’s Lenten Communion Service. We experienced a heartfelt talk before breaking bread to dip into wine, feeding upon Christ’s sacrificial love for all: through brokenness we are made whole. Let me share with you highlights from the love story of Lou.
******
Excerpts from “My Love Story: What’s Yours?” by Lou Winship
- Even though it was Sue’s voice that actually asked me to speak, I know it was really God. Although it’s extremely difficult for me to share this publicly, I truly want to. I feel called to. I wanted this all to get fixed and be kept secret so I could keep pretending. Pretending my life was perfect. Pretending I had everything under control. Pretending I didn’t need the love and nurturing of friends, family, and professionals who could get me to a healthier place.
- My husband of 29 years and I separated February 22, 2015. Days later, I came to this service…broken to pieces, lonely, hurting, embarrassed. I found the love of God in the service, in the women, in the shared communion. I wasn’t even a member of Northside at this time. Sue kept me connected through her bible studies and friendship over the years. I knew I could show up and feel God’s warm embrace. As I spoke with Sue following the service, she promised she would walk with me through this dark time. Little did we know, we would walk many miles, literally and figuratively, most every Thursday morning over the next four years to bring me back to this annual gathering to share God’s infinite love with you tonight.
- As days without my husband slipped into weeks and months, the reality of my situation began to sink in. On the one hand, I was relieved to be free and have the secret out that our marriage was strained and toxic. On the other hand, I missed my best friend and soul mate and the sweet man with whom I’d had three precious sons. I diligently sought help through sermons at church, individual counseling, a divorce group, a holistic plan from a Brain Heath Clinic, and a 12-step program where I learned an abbreviated version of steps 1, 2 and 3… “I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let Him.”
- “OK God,” I whispered through tears, “I think I’m ready. Show me.” And this is what I got: 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13. I had read this verse many times. It had even been read at our wedding. But for the first time ever, I began to read it as sort of a grading system, report card if you will. Oh no!! “Love is patient”…I had not been patient with my husband in a long time. “Love is kind”…Nope, not much of that showing up lately either. “Love is not rude”…yikes! “Love does not demand its own way”…F. “It is not irritable and it keeps no record of being wronged.”… F, F. “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”….F,F,F,F. All of a sudden, the breakthrough came and I could see how unloving I had been for a very long time.
- I began writing letters to my husband. My apologies were long, heartfelt, handwritten letters stained with tears. Begging forgiveness. And I wasn’t sure they’d ever get mailed. But that didn’t matter. The healing that God allowed in me, once I began to soften and feel compassion, was amazing. God was really God. He would take care of me, my children, my husband. He loved us. He always would. He always had, after all. God is LOVE and LOVE IS… patient, love is kind…I could finally forgive. Sincerely. And I could share everything here in these love letters. Forgiveness. Compassion. Trust. Each were inching their way into our lives with one another just as our marriage was ending. The divorce should be final by early fall at the latest we were told.
- After feeling compelled to share my letters, I didn’t hear from my husband for over a week. I was crestfallen. I needed him to forgive me. I wanted to connect as I felt our healing process moving along. I was beginning to dread the actual finalized divorce decree. I had somehow held out hope. He had removed his wedding ring but I had kept mine on, knowing I would have to remove it when everything was finalized. Why was that such a sticking point for me?
- And then I received a text from him. “Time was running out. It was now or never. Was I willing to try?” I was stunned and excited and terrified. We began slowly. He brought take out dinner for the first date. We inched our way through awkwardness and fear. We gradually gained trust with each other and began to move back toward one another. He took me to a great couples program at Buckhead Church. We talked on the phone. He took me out for a nice dinner. He asked if we could rejoin our couples small group if they agreed, that way we could see each other on a regular basis. August melted into September and I began to worry about our final divorce papers. I called my lawyer to check on them. They had been lost on the judge’s desk and delayed for two weeks. I was assured this rarely happened…but it had happened to us. Two weeks more of falling back in love. Thank you God!
- And then the call came from my lawyer mid-September. I was very frightened and confused. I was afraid to tell my lawyer that I didn’t want to sign the papers without speaking with my husband. The strength came. We decided together that the old toxic marriage really needed to end. This is what his card read on the beautiful bouquet of flowers he sent me the day our divorce was final, “Here’s to a fresh start.”
- Our time apart allowed us each the space we needed to heal and grow. I had to love my husband enough to let him go. In that letting go, God grew us up individually into the people we were meant to be in this next stage of life. I trusted God in the hardest thing I’ve been asked to endure in this life so far. As promised, He did not leave me or forsake me. We are not re-married…yet. We have been happily dating each other for three and a half years.
- In wrapping up our time together, I’d like to leave you with these five important things I learned on this journey: 1. Get help when you need it. 2. Don’t let shame own you. 3. Kill negative thought patterns. 4. Forgive and receive forgiveness. 5. Love God. Love yourself. Love others.
******
One Scripture verse Lou shared woke me up this morning. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book,” whispered Psalm 56:8. Through our four years of weekly walk and talks, our shared sorrows and tears have been recorded, collected by God, and last night they overflowed the big bottle, bathing us all with one funky story of redeeming love.
…Sue…
