Good morning…
“God, why did I scarf down three cookies?” became my deep prayer after my impulsive episode. I must tell you, these were not tiny Girl Scout cookies. These three cookies were mammoth mommas. “What was going on in me?”
Fear, worry, anxiety. I faced a hard phone call. I didn’t know exactly what to say, how I would be received, and if a budding friendship would weather disagreement. I didn’t want to be a negative ninny, but I felt compelled to speak my truth in love. It would have been easier to say nothing, to nod and just go along, but keeping my mouth shut somehow felt wrong. I was worried our talk would not go well, so I scarfed down three cookies to pacify my fears.
Uncertain, unknown, unsettled. It is not like I knew best and she knew worst. I just sensed God wanted to use me, but I did not know how. The right words at the right time, would they arrive when I needed them? God knew what God wanted to say, but divine insight had not yet been fully revealed. I was stuck in the uncomfortable place of being used by God but not knowing exactly how. I scarfed down three cookies to numb the unknown.
Deep down I lacked trust. In theory, it sounds easy, simple, “Just follow God’s lead.” In practice, it is very hard to not see, to not know, to not understand the invisible Shepherd leading our way. It is hard to “just trust,” when we feel ill prepared. It is hard to “just trust” the One who sees, knows, and understands everything, but chooses to dole out discernment slowly, sometimes painfully too slow. I scarfed down three cookies as I wallowed in “What ifs?”
The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. God often reveals things piece by piece. It can take us a long time to connect the puzzle.
The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. Clarity does not come quickly at the crossroads. We are forced to wait. We hate to wait.
The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. As we try to decipher direction from God’s Rand McNally, impatient anxiety can steal our joy.
The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. Our inner ears must listen hard for God’s directions to become easy and plain to our eyes.
God’s reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. God is faithful, trustworthy forever, but we are the ones who fall out of trust.
The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree (Psalm 19: 7-9, MSG). The nth degree is far away. The fake comfort of cookies is right now.
After my anxiety acted out impulsively, it did not take long for “yuck” to set in. The discomfort of “yuck” drew me into deep prayer.
…Sue…
