Good morning…
“We are good!” she replied by email. “Definitely have tough days, but who doesn’t?”
“I had a mommy meltdown last week,” I stepped through her open door of honesty. “I was tired of being primary shopper AND chef (even with four young adults and a kind husband to help). The anxiety of others had snowballed to impact me throughout my day, I picked up more and more and more as I did final errands before the 6:00 pm ‘shelter in place’ edict. By the time I got home after three hours, I was this snow woman of worry, uncertainty, anger at ‘no end in sight.'”
I continued to spew from my fingertips onto the keyboard: “I hacked my way through dinner prep and unplugged by myself with a glass of red wine. Steve finished the cooking. Kids set the table and helped out. Fortunately I could talk with our family about my discombobulation. We ate dinner on the back porch, played some normalizing card game, and watched an entertaining mindless thing on TV before bed. Two episode back to back. I woke up the next day feeling myself again, less puffed up by all the problems. I am sure we have all had our own meltdowns during this time of sequestering.”
“So what did your worst mommy moment look like?” I gently inquired.
“Thank you so much for sharing,” she replied several days later. “I definitely needed your response. It helps to know someone I hold highly also melts! Honestly, I’m having a really hard time. I apologize for the delay, but I’ve been trying to figure out exactly why I’m struggling and I’m still not sure I have totally put my finger on it yet.”
Her layers began melting in the light of truth: “My husband and I are struggling and not on the same page. We work together and needless to say I have not been able to get to the office, but he is there full time and asking me what my problem is, that ‘he’s only gone 8-9 hours/day and helps in the morning before he leaves and when he gets home.'”
She melted a bit more: “I’m just flat exhausted! I feel like I’m trying to be patient with my kids, but I’m irritable, and they fight like cats and dogs (9-year-old boy and 4-year-old girl). I’m trying to help my son with homeschooling and also keep my 4-year-old entertained without a screen. I have mommy meltdowns every day! Literally.”
She zeroed in on her worst mommy moment of the week: “I sent them to their rooms a few days ago, yelling and telling them if they didn’t stop fighting they were going to time out and stay in their rooms with no dinner ?. They didn’t hear the ‘if’ part so when my husband got home (I went to get in the bike for a few minutes) he couldn’t find them and they told them they couldn’t come out and weren’t allowed to eat ?. Mom of the year ?.”
She looked at her true self in the mirror: “I usually resort to exercise and am a little obsessed. Obviously, I haven’t been able to do that as much and really have no time to myself, which I didn’t realize how much I cherish it! I’m trying really hard to let go of the exercise and relax and use this as a growing period, but working out has always been my outlet and the way to kick in my endorphins. But I think maybe God is telling me to seek HIM and be a good example and a patient mama! ❤️? I’m sure that was a lot more than you wanted to hear when you asked the question! Ha! ?.”
I quickly replied: “I am so so certain tons of moms with young kids are experiencing the very same crazy, with similar mommy meltdowns. When what keeps us balanced is taken away, we feel ungrounded, untethered, understandably overwhelmed. We don’t realize how much we need that exercise, that alone time with God, that quiet-calm of kids happily at school each day. Lack of private time wreaks havoc on our marriages too. We had a balance, a rhythm, something that worked well (or well enough). Now the imbalance of your husband at the office tons of hours with you at home full time in the den of the kids’ chaos, it’s just not fair and it doesn’t give you the breathing space you need. Of course, jealousy for his freedom naturally kicks in.”
I continued my response: “During this time of ‘sheltering in place,’ I suppose we do learn what kicks in our endorphins and keeps us feeling peacefully ourselves. When our healthy habits are taken away, we notice how much regular routine is an essential necessity for us. It reminds me of an older woman I deeply admire. She was asked as she faced an empty nest after her kids all graduated, ‘What are you going to do with all your extra time?’ She thought for a moment and said, ‘I am going to keep doing the things I love most, but I am just going to do them slower and better.'”
I summed up my learning: “We give ourselves and our loved ones a great gift when we recognize the God-given habits we love most (for you one thing is exercise, for me it is journaling my feelings, walking/talking with friends, and learning most days with a small group of ladies in our living room). When these normal habits are taken away, we miss them. We really miss them. Once we identify the lifeline to our personalized oxygen tank, then we need to make sure those habits happen regularly, in one form or another. When we feel our mommy meltdown coming on, we make space for those habits, doing them slower and better. We fill ourselves with oxygen FIRST with God, in tangible ways, before we are empowered to help others to secure their own oxygen masks.”
I concluded: “I feel for you and all the moms with little kids, parenting alone or with overworked, or economically anxious, or unemployed husbands. Adapting to this constantly changing new normal requires that we move from our fear, anger, resentment to our personal “learning zone” with God. “What do I need? What do I love best, God? How can I make space to do those essential things, do them slower and better?” That is our best path to the “growing zone” where we are grounded in God, secure and well-planted in that which is most life-giving to us. When we are nurtured and nourished, we more naturally overflow with God’s love and peace to nurture and nourish those depending upon us. Yesterday’s devotional provides a good template for our pathway forward. We each do well to prayerfully ponder this diagram with God, learning our own peaceful way forward. I love you, my friend, and I am praying for you.”
Right away she responded: “Thank you SO much for this email and encouragement! Means more than you can imagine today! I woke up to a broken refrigerator and angry husband and needed this! Have a wonderful day and enjoy the gorgeous sunshine! I hope you can get out and fuel/oxygenate yourself with a walk and prayer time with friends! ??.”
I breathed in the beautiful bonding: “God’s timing is perfect. He spoke through me the words you needed to hear at a moment you needed to hear them. Grounding into God is always our best choice. ‘How do I do that right now?’ we need to ask ourselves regularly, giving God space and time to answer. God is always our best resource, in good times and in bad. If the Spirit moves, may I share our email exchange without revealing your identity? I think many people would benefit from the lessons God is teaching us this out-of-the-ordinary morning.”
Her final email was short and simple: “God is our best resource, always. And share, absolutely!!!”
Even before there is a word on my tongue [still unspoken], Behold, O Lord, You know it all (Psalm 139:4, AMP).
…Sue…
