Good morning…
In the middle of the night I wrote yesterday’s blog message, Abby. Audrey. Eliza. Then I climbed back into bed. After waking from my second sleep, I re-read Abby Smith’s obituary and was surprised by the final line: The Celebration Service of Abby’s life will be held on Sunday, August 21st at 3:00pm at Northside Church with a reception following. That was 2011.
August 21st. God’s Spirit somehow spurred me to write about precious Abby Smith yesterday, August 21st, on the thirteen anniversary of her celebration of life. I believe the stream of the Holy Spirit runs deeper, wider, thicker each time an anniversary rolls around. Thus the timing of our post remembering sweet Abby.
When this realization dawned, I picked up the phone and called Abby’s mom. We had an honest, important talk. Just as I hung up the phone, I received the text below, sharing an update about Audrey DeShelter.
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Disheartened – Facebook post by Ben DeShelter
I’m not sure how to begin this post because I feel like our hearts are breaking right now. We haven’t felt this much despair and emotional pain in a long time and it’s awful that we’re feeling this way again.
Yesterday we met with the pulmonologist at Emory and he related that Audrey’s lungs are not improving and may have gotten slightly worse. To make matters worse, he told Audrey that her lungs may never be normal again, essentially making her permanently disabled. He had consulted other pulmonologists at Emory and no one could provide an answer why her lungs are not responding to standard treatments. The CHOP pulmonologist came by at the end of the day and told us the same thing.
Audrey is taking this so hard. Currently she is in an isolated radiation hospital room for her cancer treatments left to think about this all the time. No one can comfort her beyond these metal walls while she is radioactive. She is just left alone with these disheartening thoughts.
She didn’t think she would be going to Notre Dame with oxygen or steroid related swelling or relapsed spots. This wasn’t supposed to be how the first week of school would go. Audrey was supposed to be making new friends and enjoying her time and now she’s worried if she can keep up physically. Just a few little pills caused this much damage to her lungs. How could this be?
This disease has just been too hard on all of us, too relentless. We feel trapped, desperately trying to fight for her and make things as good as possible. This week she is starting a new organ rejection medication along with her chemotherapy pulses and steroids. We are praying that condition will stabilize and improve but we are told the improvements will be slow even if the treatment works. We also may be seeking other opinions to see what is available.
Jennifer called the Mayo clinic today and the earliest appointment they have is late October. Even then, they could only offer an appointment with a fellow/resident as all the experienced pneumonitis pulmonologists are not taking new patients.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (2 Corinthians 4:8,9).
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Nudged by the Spirit, I called Audrey’s mom right away and left a tender message. I wanted her to hear my love on a hard, hard day.
Then by mid-afternoon, I got an email from Eliza’s grandmother, a dear friend of my dear friend. She had read our morning post and expressed gratitude for all of the prayers being lifted on behalf of three year old Eliza. I responded with encouraging words.
We can’t stop cancer from happening. We can’t know the answer, “Why, God, why?” We can’t help but to hurt when others hurt. The question becomes, “God, how will we respond to the pain in our world?”
We follow the Spirit’s lead. Maybe we pick up the phone and call. Maybe we leave a message with love in our voice. Maybe we exchange supportive emails with a person we have never met. Maybe we lift prayers throughout the day. When hard pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down, we deepen into our bond with God and let the Spirit flow through us.
We are guided by these Bible verses: “…don’t worry about…what you’ll say or how you’ll say it. The right words will be there. The Holy Spirit will give you the right words when the time comes” (Luke 12:11b-12, MSG).
Thanks be to God.
…Sue…
P.S. Photo by Yousef Espanioly on Unsplash.
