Good morning…
It was Saturday, July 6th, the first morning of our family’s vacation at my mother-in-law’s log cabin on a tiny lake in Pennsylvania. I was leisurely floating on an intertube, chatting with my sister-in-law, when my husband Steve and my son Kyler called me over with these words, “Hey mom. Come here for a second. There is something we need to tell you.” I paddled over to their intertubes, and Kyler quietly said, “Cole Hagood died this morning.” In shock, my heart shattered into shards. Immediately, I swam to shore and picked up my cell phone. Elizabeth, Cole’s stepmom, had already called twice. I called her back, she answered right away, and together we sifted through all the dreaded details of that miserable morning.
Throughout the week my husband and I talked to each other, to our kids, to Cole’s family, to pastors at church, to Cole’s friends and their families. On Thursday morning at 4:30 am, I took Steve to the airport so he could fly home to meet with people, face to face, in preparation for Cole’s memorial service. Because I needed to drive our younger son to his lacrosse tournament in Baltimore, I was not able to attend the service last Friday. I asked Steve to share with me his words of comfort for our grieving community. So now, one week later, I share with you this touching tribute.
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Cole Hagood Eulogy by Rev. Steve Allen
7-12-2019
Psalm 34:17-19
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears,
and rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the broken-hearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the Lord rescues them from them all.
I had the good fortune of being able to get to know Cole in so many different capacities over the years during our time together at Lovett. As his chaplain, wrestling coach, Junior Outdoor Experience group leader where we hiked in the woods together for 5 days, and the father of one of his good friends, I stand here today – like you – broken hearted, because I also loved Cole Hagood. I loved him for some of the same reasons you’ve already heard here today. But there is one particular reason I will never forget Cole Hagood.
Fall Break Freshmen year of high school my son Kyler invited Cole to join us on a trip to the Seaside/Grayton Beach area. In classic Allen fashion – I hadn’t looked into a place to stay – until a few days before the break was set to begin. I was surprised when I was able to find a place. However, when we arrived we discovered why the place had still been available.
It was the jankiest – sketchiest place I’d ever seen. Me, my wife, our 4 kids and Cole – We all crammed into a place that looked like – well – it looked like a place that would still be available 2 days before a vacation. And what made it worse was that the weather was cold and rainy. So we spent 4 days together, Me, my wife, our 4 kids and Cole stuck inside that janky, sketchy sorry excuse for a rental property in Grayton Beach Florida. My kids were quick to let me know how lame it was – and every time we’ve returned to Grayton Beach since, they’ve continue to remind me of it. Cole – thankfully never did. Never a word of complaint – He was gracious – kind and appreciative or maybe he was just better at lying to me than the rest of my family. I don’t know, but maybe you can understand why, when I say I loved Cole Hagood. He was the only one who didn’t give me grief for that awful vacation.
And you’re here today because you loved him too. You’ve already heard some of those reasons from Spencer’s letter but over that past few days I’ve spent time with countless others of you and I’ve heard so many more ways in which you loved Cole.
Here’s what I learned:
You know how they say “Bacon just makes everything taste better.” It seems like Cole was like the “Bacon” of everything he touched. At Lovett, he may not have been the star athlete, but his presence on your team – football, wrestling, soccer – it just made everything more fun.
His co-workers at Shiplify said – If you were sitting next to Cole it just made work that much better –
And then there were these tributes that seemed to make everyone smile –
Bob the Bear and his well travelled Bobstagram account
Cole: The Dog Whisperer
Jalisco’s for a meal together
Stolen Dance by Milky Chance
Manhunt at Lovett
Cole’s Braves Hat
Cole’s Hair – and the growing lack thereof
His many nicknames –
The Creator of Ideas
The Elevator of Morale
Critter
Houdini
Peanut
Neon Penguin
His passion for music –
Umphree’s Magee
How he began so many sentences with this phrase –
“Guys – I came up with this game the other day – Hear me out.”
And perhaps my favorite, his victory stance after winning one of his corny games; both arms straight up in the air, proclaiming victory. With all this laughter and love – With all these memories of happiness and joy maybe this is one of the reasons it hurts so much that we’re gathered here today doing what doing.
If you’re like me you may be sitting here today wondering how we got here, wrestling with what you could’ve done differently, perhaps tinged by some degree of guilt, wondering if you could’ve done something more or said something more to keep this from happening. I know because I’ve wondered this myself. And so to all of us – who may be sitting here wondering these things I say this – And I’m saying as much to myself as I am to you. We did everything we could. We, his co-workers, roommates, teammates, classmates, teachers, fraternity brothers, family and friends – We loved him well. Cole was not isolated at the end. He was surrounded by people who care. We the family and friends of Cole Hagood – we loved him as best we could. And he loved us as best he could. If there’s one thing all the memories and stories of Cole have shown me – and I hope you as well – it’s that Cole truly knew what it felt like to love and be loved.
So how is it that we’re here today.
Sadly, I believe there are some hurts, there is sometimes a darkness and a brokenness that runs so deep that even our best efforts and expressions of love cannot overcome them. And I think that was the case with Cole. And yet, there are some words that I find in the verse that I read from Psalm 34 that give me a certain kind of hope.
The scripture tells us – God is near to the brokenhearted.
If that’s true – if those words are to be believed – then I firmly believe that was God was near to Cole. He fully understands and can appreciate people who are acquainted with grief – people who are hurting – people who find themselves in dark places now and then. God – as much as any of us – understands what it means to have a broken heart.
A number of years ago there was a Pastor named William Sloane Coffin who lost his son Alex in a car accident. Alex’s car skidded off a rain soaked road and into a nearby river. The father spoke at his son Alex’s funeral a few days later where he said – “I believe that when that water closed over the car that Alex was in that day – that God’s heart was the first of all of our hearts to break.” And I believe that God’s heart was yet again the first of all of our hearts that broke most deeply last Saturday morning.
When the Bible says that God is near to the broken hearted this suggests to me that perhaps God reserves his closest embrace for people struggling as Cole struggled at the end. I think God has a special place in his heart for people like Cole. And with that in mind I have a sure and certain hope that Cole is in that warm embrace even now. And that his heart is no longer broken but whole – his darkness now light – his pain replaced by peace.
Having said all this – it’s a bit of a dance we do here today because we don’t want to be here together – doing this again – for another who might also be struggling. And so, to those fellow strugglers in life – to those of us who experience darkness – to those of us who have broken hearts now and then I want to offer a little story. It’s a story about a man who went to watch a football game with a friend of his. The friend’s son was the quarterback on the team. However, over the course of the game – his friend’s son was struggling mightily. He fumbled multiple times – was sacked over and over again and threw a number of interceptions. By the time the game ended his friends team had lost and the son had had a forgettable game. As they were leaving the stadium it was quiet and a bit awkward. But then the quarterback’s father said aloud, “Did you see my son’s two good completely passes?”
The point is this –
Our lives are filled with fumbles, interceptions and sacks, but there’s also much about us that is good and right, kind and loving. We have a God who celebrates us – who focuses on our completed passes, our successes and our victories – And he wants us to do the same. And yet so often we focus only on the negative. When the writer of Psalm 23 says “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for God is with me, he comforts me,” that’s meant to be a reminder that we have a God who walks beside us throughout all our darkest moments – We have a God who is cheering us on for all that is good and right about us. And it’s a reminder that we too should focus on that as well. Far too often we allow the fumbles and interceptions to color everything about our lives.
As hard as this is – What I appreciate about today is that we’re celebrating Cole’s completed passes – not the fumbles. And I want to encourage us to do this kind of celebrating for each other of us on this side of the grave as well.
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Now we huddle together to witness God’s promise slowly coming true: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [healing their pain and comforting their sorrow] (Psalm 147:3, AMP).
…Sue…
