Good morning…
Amid a season of transition, I wrote in my journal in the middle of a sleepless night: “I feel so completely discombobulated. Everything in me and around me is in disarray. Books strewn. Couch cushions cock-eyed. Suitcase from my weekend travels unzipped but not unpacked. All of the pedals are off of the bloom. So many people I love are facing life-altering circumstances. The falling off of old pedals has become unstoppable.”
When we spoke by phone after I slept a bit, she could not have known my inner turmoil, but the Spirit nudged her to read aloud words of encouragement, words which slowly seeped into my deepest recesses. Soothing. Supporting. Surrounding my soul.
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When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. Your healing is not a straight line. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don’t say to yourself, “All is lost. I have to start all over again.” This is not true.
Sometimes little things build up and make you lose ground for a moment. Fatigue, a seemingly cold remark, someone’s inability to hear you, someone’s innocent forgetfulness, which feels like rejection—when all these come together, they can make you feel as if you are right back where you started. But try to think about it instead as being pulled off the road for awhile. When you return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started.
It is important not to dwell on the small moments when you feel pulled away from your progress. Try to return home, to the solid place within you, immediately. Otherwise, these moments start connecting with similar moments, and together they become powerful enough to pull you far away from the road. Try to remain alert to seemingly innocuous distractions. It is easier to return to the road when you are on the shoulder than when you are pulled all the way into a nearby swamp.
In everything, keep trusting that God is with you, that God has given you companions for the journey. Keep returning to the road to freedom.
Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love
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Lighting a candle. Snuggling beneath a blanket. Sinking into my coziest chair. I found my way back home to the solid place within me. As we talked candidly, I felt heard, loved, deeply understood.
Hours later as my husband and I began to declutter the big build-up in our basement, what book did I run across? The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen, a book I have not picked up in years. God’s surround-sound surprises me again and again.
Amid the swirling winds of transition, might God be beaconing each of us back home to the solid place within?
“Please trust that I am with you.
I am giving you companions for the journey.
Keep returning to the road of freedom.”
Now with the voice of truth and power of God…we continue (2 Corinthians 6:7, VOICE). We keep returning.
…Sue…
