Good morning…
“God is the constant I AM and we are frail, fickle human beings. So we do not always speak the same language,” I continued to wrestle in my journal on June 10, 2004. God said to Moses: “I am the eternal God…whose name is “I AM”… The footnote for this passage, Exodus 3:14 (CEV), reads: “I AM” may mean “I am the one who is” or “I will be what I will be” or “I am the one who brings into being.”
My long journal entry concluded: “It is hard for me to deny that the Holy Spirit did speak last night through Steve (my husband): ‘Keep going. Keep writing. Keep plugging away. Write about what it feels like to be empty inside. Write about what it feels like to lose touch with God. Write as you wonder if God’s Spirit has departed from you. Write about it all because we humans feel it all, and you will minister to many more people from the population when you write about feeling God’s absence.’
So, I keep writing – not because I know what to say – not because my words feel wonderful – but because I will go insane without this outlet, this soul-searching, this release. To keep all this turmoil inside would cause me great anguish. Immense, immense anguish. The silence of my pen would eat me away and I would not make it through. I tell you honestly, I would not make it through without my writing.
Because sometimes I write into relief and sometimes I write into wisdom and sometimes the turmoil leaves me after I speak with my pen. The emotional struggle returns, but for a moment I am sometimes given a touch of peace, and that is worth writing for because the alternative would be complete despair and ultimately the death of the real me.”
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A friend summed up my experience in an A.W. Tozer quote after reading yesterday’s post, “Is My Faith Hogwash?”
“The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still make little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfere with God’s work within us.”
God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns (Philippians 1:6, CEV).
…Sue…
