Brokenness And Joy

The other day, I was pondering the October 15th devotion from Streams In The Desert! I do agree that God uses broken people and I have actually seen many blessings already since Dalton’s death on March 1st, 2016. I have had to open my heart to see these blessing and they are mixed in with my grief, but I continue to allow myself to see and acknowledge them! I know that more will come if I remain open and they WILL be multiplied! I was walking yesterday and talking to God (and crying) and praising His Holy name! I was thinking that to survive and live, love and experience joy again, I have had to fully trust and surrender…”a broken and contrite heart”. In my brokenness, despair and desperation, I had to turn to God and He had to be enough! He was and always has been right there…He has saved me! “Because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.” Luke 1: 78-79

I was talking to Dalton last night (and crying) and telling him how much I miss him and that my heart will NEVER mend here on this earth! I have learned that I must keep pushing forward through my tears and sorrow AND brokenness and I will continue to find strength in the Lord! I must continue to embrace my brokenness and allow it to bless me and others in the process of healing! I need to understand that I will continue to be knocked down by the waves of grief and the myriad of emotions that come with it, that I will stumble and fall along the way and at times feel like I am stuck in quick sand, but recognize that God will not leave me there! “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:17-18

It’s hard to sometimes find the balance between feeling all these emotions and allowing yourself to sink into them for a bit or whether to push through them!  I have had to recognize the enemy in all of it! The longer I stay focussed on the pain and sorrow, which leads to anxiety, darkness and despair, the better chance the enemy will get a foot hold! So I do my best to keep my eyes on Jesus!! This intentional shift in thought and focus is powerful and lifts me out of the pit. “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5: 8-11

I have found that gratitude is a powerful tool to combat the enemy and the best way to dispel the darkness! Gratitude brings light and gives me hope! I continue to be truly grateful for my family, friends and community for their love and compassion, for grieving right along beside me, for hanging in there with me when I know it’s not easy! I love you all so much and will continue to lean on you when necessary! I also look forward to continuing to experience joy and laughter with you!! “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21