Cloudy Balanced Layers

Good morning…

So many of you have responded so kindly to our recent posts revealing my experience of deep depression (Heavy And Hollow) and of my fear that people would think less of me because of it (I Feel Like Jerry Maguire). Thank you all for resonating with my realness. In their extreme contrast, two responses in particular taught me the importance of living with cloudy, balanced layers.

One friend I know well now, but was just getting to know back then, responded: “Thank you for your honestly written posts. Knowing you all these years I never knew you went through a bout of depression after your move here. I remember you well from those early days – and feeling that you were a godsend. I know that you can testify that even when we answer God’s call and we are obedient, it’s not an easy journey. I also know God allows these seasons of pain so we can better minister to others in pain.”

During my most significant suffering season, I needed to be able to live on the surface layer of myself with people I was just meeting. I was not being false or dishonest or withholding, I was just respectfully giving space to learn the first steps of new friendships.

In contrast, an hour later, an old friend of twenty-something years wrote: “I remember that time in your life so well. The image that comes to mind is your saying that you felt like a tiny bud and you had no idea how you would/or whether you would ever flower in Atlanta. You have done so beautifully by trusting, waiting, soaking in the sunshine and rain of the spiritual and earthly world. Taking in the nutrients and listening through the seasons. Blooming in God’s time, not our own wished for time or place. As someone said in our recent With God Weather Life retreat–there is richness in the valleys of life. Sometimes you have to climb a bit out of the depths to see that, sometimes a far bit, but it is there, always. God’s love, his presence, the joy he has to give us are always there.”

“Do you know about the layers of thick clouds [and how they are balanced and poised in the heavens], the wonderful works of Him who is perfect in knowledge?” (Job 37:16, AMP). If cloudy, balanced layers are essential for the sky, might we trust the wonderful works of our all-knowing God who creates cloudy, balanced layers in us?