Good morning…
As we drove through the valleys and the mountains of New Zealand, we had long, important talks, enjoyed good music together, and listened to a handful of interesting podcasts. I was so fascinated by one podcast that I sat in the backseat and jotted notes in my journal. Turning to those scratchings now, I put flesh on their bones.
A researcher was examining essays of grieving people, specifically looking at the pronouns used in their creative expression. Those who used “I”, “me”, or “my” repeatedly appeared more self-aware, yet if they spiraled down and stayed stuck in the “I mode” they became gripped by depression. Famous poets use “I words” as they dig into their own misery, but rich benefits occur when a person can gradually expand into a variety of pronouns. An ability to move through “I”, “he”, “she”, “we” and back to “I” indicates fluidity and flexibility of feeling, and switching perspective on a situation can develop an ability to construct a more holistic narrative over time.
As we grieve, if we can step outside our own point of view and also see the loss through the eyes of others, we can actively construct a new storyline from the deconstructed version of the life we once dreamed. As we take the remaining pieces of our lives and put the ghosts in the background and the angels in the forefront, we can shape our story into a thing of lasting beauty. When we start to circle back again – “I”, “I”, “I” – we can stop ourselves before getting stuck by looking at our losses and our gains through a community of eyes. Over time we witness the rise of something new, rare, and free as we gradually grow wildly different high hopes.
“As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, you know how I’m feeling, know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path… I cry out, God, call out: ‘You’re my last chance, my only hope for life!’ Oh listen, please listen; I’ve never been this low… Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you in public. Your people will form a circle around me and you’ll bring me showers of blessing!” (Psalm 142:3-7, MSG).
…Sue…
