Good morning…
Every spring I love the baccalaureate service hosted on the fertile soil of the Lovett School, a farewell communion ceremony for graduating seniors and their families. As head chaplain, my husband Steve invites a parent to speak who is graduating their last child. This year’s meaningful message was given by Lauren Gearon, graceful mother of three grads. In congratulating Lauren after the special service, I asked if she might share with me a copy of her wise remarks so that I might share them with you, our written word community. The next day, she emailed me.
“Sue, thank you so much for coming to celebrate the class of 2022 yesterday morning,” she wrote. “I also appreciate your interest in sharing my talk.”
“I actually keep words in my head that I learned from your bible study years ago,” she continued. “I think the words came from someone within your group as she became an empty nester. When asked how she would fill her free time, she said she would keep doing the things she loved most, but she would do these things slower and better. I look forward to that new pace and my heart is wide open to what God puts in my pathway. I loved seeing you!”
Please enjoy the insights below, shared from the heart of a mother who is heading into a brand new phase of life.
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Baccalaureate Message 2022 by Lauren Gearon
When Steve asked me to speak at this event, the main reason I wanted to stand up here, even though I knew that my knees would be shaking, and my heart would be beating out of my chest was because it felt like it might be one more opportunity to give some advice to our graduating son. I felt like it was God telling me I had something important that I still needed to say. I didn’t think it was stuff like “make sure to change your sheets– every week; go to class– even the early morning ones; make smart decisions–every time, and call home. Don’t forget to call me!”. I knew it was something more important. Now, figuring out what that important advice is has been the hard part. I am not sure that I have nailed it, but I have put a lot of thought into this platform that I have been given, and I am thankful for this opportunity.
Lovett has been influential in my life. Between my 14 years as a student here and the 21 years my husband and I have been Lovett parents, 35 of my last 54 years have been here, on this beautiful campus. Lovett introduced me to my best life-long friends and to my best, every day, present-day friends. These are the village of people who have helped me to parent my own children, who loved my children, who have protected them, taught them, and celebrated them and their successes. I am grateful that my three children have had similar experiences making life-long friends, and have built an educational foundation that has empowered them to move on to college knowing that they have the tools to stretch their minds, try new things, face failures, and bounce right back up. Thank you, Lovett, for all you’ve done for me and my family.
One of my everyday friends is an example of a person who has love in her heart and joy deep in her soul. She gave me a book a little while ago and it is this book that called out to me and caught my attention when I began to think about what that important thing was that I still needed to say.
The book is called The Four Agreements and it is a book of wisdom. So, I am going to steal from it and share its’ four agreements with you quickly because I really do believe that as each of you graduates today from Lovett, these four pieces of advice will be a beacon of light for you.
1. Agreement #1: Be impeccable with your words. The intention of this agreement is to remind us to show love through our communication, both our verbal exchanges and our written exchanges. We should show love to others as well as to ourselves. God created humans with the unique ability to verbalize our thoughts, our dreams, and our ideas. No other creature on earth was given this gift. And, each of us knows what power our words hold, and how our words can be double-edged swords that can cut both ways. One edge of the sword is the misuse of words that plants seeds of poison, causes pain, ruins friendships, and hurts feelings. The other edge is the impeccability of our words which plants seeds of love, and beauty, encourages others, and speaks from a place of integrity and truth. This graduating class is made up of the leaders of my future and of our future. I pray that you will not underestimate the power that your words hold, and you will use them to plant seeds of love, unity, truth and kindness. Be thoughtful with your words and always try to remember that you are planting words into the fertile minds of others where we want love to grow.
2. Agreement #2: Don’t take things personally. This agreement seems especially difficult to me since we are humans with fragile egos and built-in insecurities. So how can we not take things personally, especially when someone lashes out at us with hurtful words? What this agreement suggests is that we need to flip the perspective around so that instead of absorbing what has been said or done, we need to think about how what has been said is a reflection of the person who is saying it. It is a reflection of their own reality and it’s not about you. If you remember to focus on the truth of who you are, the values that you embody, then the words spoken against you have no meaning. Remember that you are a child of the most high God and a perfect creation of God’s hand. You are a masterpiece and you have been fearfully and wonderfully made. If you can remember who you are and that your truth is defined by you, not by someone else, then you will be immune to what others say, no matter how personal it feels.
3. Agreement #3: Don’t make assumptions. Society has the tendency to make assumptions about everything. “I assume it is true because I saw it on Twitter”; “I assume they are dating because I saw a photo of them together”. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe them to be the truth, and those assumptions can turn into gossip which gets passed off as truth. And we all know how poisonous gossip can be. Each of you is leaving Lovett to go out into the world where you will meet new people, make new friends, live in new places and experience new things. Don’t assume that when you experience things that are different from home or meet people who are not like your hometown friends that you won’t like them or that they won’t like you. Allow yourselves to have an open mind, to be courageous to ask the questions that bring clarity, and to experience new things without being clouded by false assumptions. And if you do fall into the trap of making assumptions, I ask that you always try to assume the best of others, showing them the same grace that God shows each of us.
4. Agreement #4: Always do your best. Although this one seems self-evident, it bears repeating and expounding upon. Doing your best should not be about doing something for the reward, rather the motivation should come from your desire to want to do it, not because you have to do it and not because you want to please others. Doing your best will result in you living your life intensely, being productive, being good to yourself and to your community and taking action because you love what you are doing, not because you are expecting a reward. In most cases, a reward will come, but your actions are not attached to the reward. Doing your best does not mean perfection either because there are going to be days when you are not 100% and doing your best that day is going to look really different from days when you are feeling energized and are ready to conquer the world. Doing your best means taking action. If you have a great idea, but you never take action on it, then it is simply an idea. But if you live your life with the mindset that you are going to do your best through taking action, through planting seeds of love in others, and through an open mind, rewards will follow.
Be impeccable with your words, don’t take things personally, don’t make assumptions and always do your best. Seems simple enough, and yet….we will struggle with it. But if you keep these four agreements in your mind, they might just become habits that become as second nature to you as checking your phone when you have a minute to spare.
As I close today, I want to share with you a verse from the Bible that I love. It reflects how I think all of us, students and parents should feel as we move into another chapter of our lives. I think it epitomizes how Lovett has prepared us and how we should look to the future with joy and excitement.
From Proverbs 31:25, it is written: She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
Lovett has clothed you in strength, fortifying you with knowledge, education, study skills, coping skills, empathy, love, resilience, and perseverance. You are also clothed in dignity as I have witnessed that dignity being modeled on every playing field, baseball diamond, stage and arena at the Lovett school. I have seen dignity in the face of victory and defeat and dignity in the face of acceptance and rejection. So as you go out into the world and onto new and exciting things, don’t forget to laugh, have fun, try new things, take on new challenges because you have nothing to fear. Your future is secure.
To the class of 2022, I pray a blessing over you. May God watch over you as you go out into the world, may you never forget how much you are loved and cherished, that you are children of the most high God and that you are magnificent.
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Thanks, Lauren, for modeling for us with your words a powerful pathway into our bright future. As we move forward, may we fully embrace the promise of Psalm 32:8 (ERV). The Lord says, “I will teach you and guide you in the way you should live. I will watch over you and be your guide.”
…Sue…
P.S. Henri Nouwen’s message for today surfs on the same wavelength again. Nouwen concludes: “…when we believe that we are created in the image of God himself and come to realize that Christ came to let us reimagine this, then meditation and prayer can lead us to our true identity.” Amen.
