Good morning…
I was so mad. I was completely caught off guard. Her biting response felt unfair, unjust, underhanded. It was abrupt. It was painful. It was a slap-in-the-face, end-of-discussion. But she had the power. I did not.
My anger made it hard to sleep, as Ephesians 4:26 (AMP) explains: Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. Great advice but hard to do. Unfortunately, the sun went down, and I lost sleep.
The next day I journaled with God for a very long time. After filling pages and pages, my choice became clear – fight her decision or accept it. I unpacked my feelings, and doodled them into a pie graph. What were my mixed feelings, from largest to smallest? “Mad” and “sad” filled more than half of my emotional pie. Smaller slices of feelings were labeled “I feel taken advantage of, lied to, tricked.” “I don’t trust her.” “I hope good comes.” and “I am relieved by clarity.”
Then I wrote: “Right now, I am mostly sad, God. I am grieving the loss of what, for so long, I hoped would be.” I wrote at length about other losses I have grieved and what life-giving lessons have been learned the hard way. Then I turned to Scripture and the Spirit somehow led me to this passage:
If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand (Philippians 2:1-4, MSG).
The Spirit gave me detailed guidance as I faced my angry dilemma. Here was God’s answer:
- Because you are in a community of the Spirit, because you have a heart, because you care, love her and agree to get along. (Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8)
- Be deep-spirited friends, connected beneath the surface of things, bonded at your core.
- Don’t push your way – don’t sweet-talk – put yourself aside – help her get ahead.
- Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage – forget yourself – lend her a hand.
I spent much of the day alone, pondering this divine advice. By late afternoon, I was able to be with her without resentment, appreciating our deeper bond in the Spirit. We will move forward into a bright future with God, not because I ignored my anger, but because my anger was examined, expressed, and exchanged for the life-giving Word of God.
…Sue…
P.S. Photo from Unsplash.com.
