Good morning…
“I’m afraid God,” I reread my handwriting in yesterday’s journal pages. “I finally deepen down to feel my fear. I am afraid of not listening well enough to be Your scribe for a class of seventy-plus women awaiting this week’s study segments. I fear that, for sake of timeliness, maybe these words will become my concoction rather than Your creation, LORD. I fear that I am so flawed, so incomplete, so unfinished that my totally imperfect knowing will be exposed as not enough.”
“God, I don’t know which words to choose, what Scriptures to bring to life, the life-giving wisdom only You know is needed for this week,” my journal becomes my confession booth. “So I feel myself dragging my feet, distracting myself with less important things. This is my bottom line: I am avoiding the task of completing this week’s segments because I am afraid they will reveal my weakness instead of Your power.”
“So God, I surrender my self to You again,” my writing becomes my prayer. “I step aside to give You space to teach what’s on Your heart.”
Graciously, God’s response came quickly, very tangibly. I was drawn to a beautiful thank you card I had kept from a dear friend. An artist’s creative rendition entitled, “In the beginning, God.” Then I remembered the fifty-nine cent frame I had recently brought home from Goodwill. I opened the back, folded the card, and placed the thick glass frame into the natural light streaming onto my computer.
“In the beginning, God.” I breathed in the truth of Genesis 1:1. My next thought formed: “Yesterday, today and forever, Christ.” I breathed into the world the promise of Hebrews 13:8. As I inhaled and exhaled, living off of the Spirit of our living God, I felt at peace in my human skin.
Silly me. I can’t dim God’s power. God’s redeeming love is unstoppable, immutable, invisibly unshakable.
Since the beginning of time, artists – singers and sculptors, poets and painters, journal keepers and justice fighters – have been trying to bring our loving God to life for the multitude of seekers, each with uniquely incomplete renditions. So why should I be afraid? Why not surrender in trust that God will break through my imperfect knowing to tenderly touch a handful of hearts, over time, and in God’s way.
After a long, deep day of discernment with God, at 12:34 am, I pushed “send” on the weekly email to our eclectic class. “Late,” some might complain. Still I choose to train my whole self on God’s whisper, “Sue, I’m always right on time.”
“Give in to God, come to terms with him and everything will turn out just fine. Let him tell you what to do; take his words to heart. Come back to God Almighty and he’ll rebuild your life. Clean house of everything evil. Relax your grip on your money and abandon your gold-plated luxury. God Almighty will be your treasure, more wealth than you can imagine” (Job 22:21-25, MSG).
Now I humbly share the links with you, in the off chance God invites you to meet Him personally, in the privacy of your own home. It is an awesome privilege and a terrifying responsibility for us powerless people to partner with of our living God.
…Sue…
Week Three: Serene Mind, Part Two
Segment One: Comfortable In My Own Skin
Segment Two: Wait Actively Alert and Hopeful
Segment Three: I Can’t Fix or Change Reality
Segment Four: The First Step is To Surrender
Segment Five: Gratitude Is Everything
