Good Morning…
In times of crisis, tragedy, and transition, old faith pillars are tested. As I searched for my lost, hurting soul in 2004, I wrote these words on my June 10th journal page.
“The core of my faith is this: God wants a relationship with each one of us. As we surrender our lives to Christ, God fills us with the Holy Spirit and empowers us to reach out to others. Through relationship with us, others will see God at work, and they too will crave a genuine relationship with the person of Jesus. In this way, God will, person by person, draw all of humankind back to Himself and equip us each uniquely to spread His healing Spirit to the ends of the earth.
It feels like I have believed these truths forever.
But when my experience breaks down at the ‘God fills us with His Holy Spirit’ stage and all I feel from God now is silence, absence, abandonment, then I wonder, ‘Is my entire faith life hogwash? Complete hogwash.’
Instead of all I used to believe, my faith now is summed up in seven words: GOD DOES WHAT GOD WANTS TO DO.”
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Hogwash. I do not think my journal ever captured that word before or after June 10, 2004. Rising up from the depth of me, what does that word mean?
Worthless stuff. Nonsense or nothingness. Meaningless or insincere talk or writing. Bull or bunk. Rubbish or ridiculousness. BS or baloney. When the life of my dreams ended, my air-tight faith felt like complete hogwash.
But there is another definition of “hogwash.” Interestingly, hogwash is a well known, natural cure for many rashes and contagious infections, often recommended by Chinese herbalists. Hogs are washed to reduce disease in the herd, to improve animal health and welfare, to ultimately increase the growth of the herd. When washed, the build-up of dirty residue is removed, material beneath the surface is dislodged, and moveable specks are cleansed from the hog. A hot pressure wash is not enough to breakdown build up – only this natural cleaning agent can free the dirt. The hog must soak in the life-saving liquid for at least thirty minutes.
In retrospect, I sense that in 2004 God was curing my infectious belief that God is real only when I feel Him. God was washing me clean of my own agenda, my own expectations, my own timeframe. God was dislodging moveable residue from a belief system I held tight until it did not hold water. Back then I was angry that GOD DOES WHAT GOD WANTS TO DO. As I have soaked in the LORD’s invisible presence for the past thirteen and a half years, now I am quite grateful God gets His way.
But even if we don’t feel at ease, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything (1 John 3:20, CEV).
…Sue…
