Good morning…
Yesterday was the first Thanksgiving their loved one was not physically present at their earthly feast, having crossed over to heaven last spring. In a brand new way, this grieving family is making mashed potatoes.
As I listened to his mourning mom talk about the conversations around their dinner table this fall, she said, “I have grown tired of the same old surface interchange with the people I love most in this world.”
“How was your day?”
“Fine.”
“What did you do?”
“Not much.”
She continued, “I fear that we, as a family, fail to make room or time for deeper conversations about emotions — that somehow those kinds of talks are special and only come at important times or in times of crisis. I worry that this lack of regular and true sharing leads to no one being able to express honest, everyday feelings. I want to find a new way to communicate more deeply, to care for each other in a regular cadence. So, at every dinner I have decided to ask a new question.”
“What is one thing you felt today and why?”
The first night of this new pattern, she told me how her husband really tried to pull up an emotion with a back story and, after about twenty seconds of sharing, he said, “That’s all I got!” The family broke into laughter. Then the son shared one feeling connected to an experience from his day, ending in turn, “And that’s all I got!” As this faithful family settles around their new dinner table ritual, night after night, each is trying in their own way to cope with hard emotions which, as my friend wisely says, are “not all bad, not all good.”
Insight dawned on me as I listened. Instinctively I replied, “It’s like peeling potatoes. Peeling the hard, solid potato of your family’s feelings is really awkward at first and it takes a lot of practice. But with each swipe of the peeler, a bit of the protective skin is stripped away, just like each swipe of expressed emotion gradually reveals the inside of your collective joys and sorrows. Practicing peeling layers together, I imagine that over time your potato of hard, solid grief will be transformed to feed your family and your friends soft, homemade mashed potatoes.”
“I will turn their mourning into joy.
I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing.
…my people will feast on my good gifts.
I, the Lord, have spoken!” (Jeremiah 31:13b-14, NLT).
This holiday season, I am grateful for God transforming life’s hard potatoes into new forms of nourishment.
…Sue…
