Good morning…
We are wise to heed Jesus’ warning: “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces” (Matthew 7:6, NIV). I think Jesus would also say, “Do NOT be these swine.”
On page 10 in The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Browne describes in detail what it looks like when human skin is wrapped around a dangerous dog or prickly pig. I have paraphrased her words to help us understand with whom NOT share our shame stories.
1) The friend who gasps, confirms how mortified we should be, and piles on extra shame.
2) The friend who patronizes with sympathy, “Oh, you poor thing. Bless your heart,” rather than sharing empathy, “I get it. I’ve been there, done that. I feel with you.”
3) The friend who expects us to be a pillar of perfection. “I’m so disappointed in you,” turns and tears us to pieces.
4) The friend who is uncomfortable with vulnerability, angrily scolding, “How could you let this happen? What were you thinking?” or, enraged, concocts a plan for revenge.
5) The friend who refuses to acknowledge our terrible choices, “You’re exaggerating. It wasn’t that bad. You’re perfect, everyone loves you.”
6) The friend who confuses our genuine sharing with an opportunity to one-up, “That’s nothing. Listen to what happened to me.”
Brene says, “Of course, we’re all capable of being “these friends” – especially if someone tells us a a story that gets right up in our own shame grill. We’re human, imperfect, and vulnerable. It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off balance. When we’re looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, able to bend and most of all, we need someone who embraces our strengths and our struggles. We need to honor our struggle by sharing it with someone who has earned the right to hear it. When we’re looking for compassion, it’s about connecting with the right person at the right time about the right issue.” (p. 11)
…walk continually in love [that is, value one another—practice empathy and compassion, unselfishly seeking the best for others], just as Christ also loved you… (Ephesians 5:1b-2a, AMP).
…Sue…
