Good morning…
Last night I enjoyed a very special dinner. I slid into my seat with a private tableful of women, three I knew mildly, four I had never met. These longtime friends asked me to join them as they discussed how to help their teenage daughters process a time of deep loss and great grief.
Another family in our community is waking up to an excruciatingly difficult day. These women and their daughters are the inner circle friends supporting this hurting family through their darkest hours. After recounting details of an unusual tragedy, collectively we discerned over dinner a few key nuggets of tender truth.
- We all are wired differently (remember the nine Enneagram numbers?), so we all face trauma differently. Some of us cry a lot, others cry very little. Some of us talk a lot, others talk very little. Some want to be alone more, others want to be with people more. Some will empty their guts into a prayer, a journal, a deep conversation, others simply cannot and will not. We respect each other as we each do our best to shuffle our way through tough, tough times. Moment by moment, hour by hour, one day by one day.
- Whatever our age, suffering carves us down deep, reshaping the contour of our vulnerable hearts. Sacred space is opened in our soul to hold more love, more compassion, more of God’s living Spirit. We are made different as we grieve. We are made more real, more whole, more available to others. As our hearts grow strong in our weak places, we are mysteriously equipped to process the pain of life, pain appearing in every lifetime.
- Allowing our mixed emotions to move through us freely means we are less likely to get trapped in our poisonous pain. Crying. Talking. Journaling. Sitting in silence, together or alone. We process our own feelings and we lift prayers for our loved ones. Quietly we stand in the gap for those who feel disappointed, disconnected, and disillusioned by God, a God they used to know, a God they used to trust.
- We notice rich blessings even in the midst of our darkest hours. The timing of things. The people who are there. The joyful memories that will never leave. The enduring bonds formed among our inner circle friends. Some small gestures, kind words, loving acts – these gifts blossom beautifully in life’s darkness.
- When we invest in an honest, ongoing conversation with God on behalf of our loved ones, the Holy Spirit can inspire us to reach out in lovingkindness. A card. A text. A call. A word. In an authentic way, at an uncannily perfect time, we can become God’s voice, God’s skin, God’s very presence for those who do not feel, do not trust, do not understand God right now.
- Being together helps soften life’s blows. The noise. The activity. The laughter. The stories told. The tears shed. Feelings spoken and feelings left unspoken. Facing life’s darkest hours together helps us to become God-with-on-skin to one another. The creative, invisible God of the universe uses ordinary people, like you and like me, to whisper into tear-streaked ears, “You, my dear, are never alone.”
- “My mom always told us, ‘We will all have an appointment with God someday,'” shared one tender-hearted woman. Before our final appointment, I pray that we each grow our number of heart-to-Heart talks with the God who will welcome us home when our moment comes.
Let your character [your moral essence, your inner nature] be free…being content with what you have; for He has said, “I will never [under any circumstances] desert you [nor give you up nor leave you without support, nor will I in any degree leave you helpless], nor will I forsake or let you down or relax My hold on you [assuredly not]!” (Hebrews 13:5, AMP).
God uses us to keep this lifelong promise when our friends are facing their darkest hours.
…Sue…
