Good morning…
The words handwritten in my first journal, when I was twenty-five years old, beautifully align with the wisdom Brene Brown shares in The Gifts of Imperfection. On 5.1.88, I wrote: “What I realize is that my ‘pleasantness’ has been my defense for years. It is hard for people to hate, to get angry at, to put down a ‘perfect’ person — a person who makes no mistakes, hurts no feelings, angers no one. This has been my internal, unspoken, all-consuming goal for years: ‘external perfection.’ But now I ask, ‘Is it perfection or protection?’ That answer that comes is: ‘The latter.'”
Brene Brown adds her authentic voice to the chorus: “Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Most perfectionists were raised being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule-following, people-pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, we adopt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused – How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused – What will they think?” (p. 56).
My journal goes on to reveal more truth: “My wall became my identity. I protected myself so well that I lost touch with my self in the process. Now that I want to be me — the me that God placed inside of my being, not the defended person I have created — it’s painful to sort through who I am and who I was pretending to be. I wasn’t pretending as a way of hurting others. I wasn’t lying to all those who have known me before today, but I’m growing out of the old ‘smile through anything’ mentality that used to feel simple and secure instead of stifling and growth inhibiting. I remind me of a hermit crab that has grown too much for its first small shell. The crab needs to find another, larger, more freeing shell that will allow for its next phase of growth or it will suffocate to death in its first home.”
…let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t, Romans 12:6b (MSG),
Sue
