Good morning…
Steve, my husband, heads up the chaplain team at The Lovett School, the school where two fathers of Lower School students died this week. I had just finished a long phone conversation with a close friend of one of the grieving wives when Steve pulled in the driveway that tragic day.
“So did you hear?” Of course he had.
Throughout the evening he was on the phone with many. I was in prayer for many, exchanging texts, listening, wondering, sorting out, “How do we respond?” Supporting the family and friends of these fathers has been a very powerful privilege this sorrowful week.
Yesterday’s chaplain message uncovers the truth Steve and I continue to discover: empowered by God, collectively we are the keys to the comfort we seek.
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Chaplain’s Devotional for September 20, 2021 by Rev. Steve Allen
This week’s lectionary readings: Proverbs 31:10-31 and Psalm 1 • Wisdom of Solomon 1:16-2:1, 12-22 or Jeremiah 11:18-20 and Psalm 54 • James 3:13 – 4:3, 7-8a • Mark 9:30-37
Last week was a tough one. Two Lower School fathers died in a tragic helicopter accident. Families were torn apart at the loss of their husbands, fathers and sons. Hundreds of grieving friends and family members were searching for what to say and do. Classroom teachers were trying to help students maneuver through their emotions. It was definitely a tough week in the Lovett community.
It was also a tough week to be a chaplain. I’m not looking for pity here, but these are the moments when chaplains are not only called on to visit and care for these families, friends and colleagues but these are the times when, for some, God is on trial for allowing such pain and suffering. A chaplain serves as a spokesperson of sorts. What one says and doesn’t say in these moments is of critical importance.
In light of all this grief, I got a call from someone asking for words of comfort from the scriptures. I began searching the texts I’d been mulling over from this week’s lectionary and I found that many of them were challenging words to read and not really all that helpful in this tragic situation. I read texts like, “The Lord watches over the way of the righteous”, “He has delivered me from every trouble”, and “Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked…in all that they do they prosper.”
These words reminded me of Pastor William Sloane Coffin who once said after the death of his teenage son, “While the words of the Bible are true, grief renders them unreal. The reality of grief is the absence of God — ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ The reality of grief is the solitude of pain, the feeling that your heart is in pieces.”
Deep in the throes of grief Coffin is stating here that there are no words one can quote from the Bible to make the pain go away. But then Coffin goes on to say something powerful. “Immediately after such a tragedy people must come to your rescue, people who only want to hold your hand, not to quote anybody or even say anything, people who simply bring food and flowers — the basics of beauty and life.”
What Coffin seems to be saying is that we are the keys to the comfort we seek. It’s us. We are the ones who provide comfort where words often fall short. So, I encourage us, when we know someone experiencing grief, to be the comfort we so desperately want to convey to them. May we look for an authentic way to bring, with our prayers and our presence, the basics of beauty and life.
Having said all that, I’ll close with this thought because I do believe that scripture has the power to provide comfort – even in the midst of great despair. Just when I thought I might come up empty in the scripture readings assigned to this hard week – the last verse I read was this, “Draw near to God and God will draw near to you” (James 4:8). Now that’ll preach, as they say. Perhaps, along with our prayers and our presence, these words might serve as a simple reminder that even when we are hurting, alone, or in pain, God is near.
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As we draw near to God, God draws near to us. Steve and I have experienced the nearness of God being brought to life in our community throughout this hard week. Guided by the Spirit, tons of people, in prayer and in presence, are finding authentic ways to bring beautiful, life-giving gifts to those caught in the throes of overwhelming grief.
…Sue…
