Good morning…
I am deeply touched by the bittersweet nature of Mother’s Day this year.
I feel the sweetness of my mom coming back to life after being on a ventilator in the Ohio ICU. Wow, what a joy to celebrate! I also feel the bitter of old friends, a mom and a grandmother, with whom I am diligently praying that their son, who graduated from high school with our twenty-year old, will pull through his ongoing medical ordeal – ICU, multiple surgeries, ECMO machine.
I cherish the relaxing sweetness of spending a delightful hour holding a five week old baby at PAWkids on Wednesday. How fun it will be to watch Journey grow up! I also remember Thursday’s bitter beauty of holding hands and exchanging words with a friend who has cancer in the lining of her stomach. Her only son shared honestly, “I think she has about two more weeks.”
I look forward to the sweetness of our four kids coming home to share dinner with me on Mother’s Day. How grateful I am for our maturing family! At the same time I pray for the bitter reality of many women who want but cannot have kids, those struggling with singleness or infertility, and women who have lost children to war or addiction, to estrangement or early death.
Tomorrow our family will enjoy the sweetness of a Zoom call with my mom and dad, connecting Georgia to Ohio. Technology bonds us in such life-giving ways! This year, especially, I am more keenly aware of the bittersweetness of those who have buried their own biological, adoptive, or spiritual mothers across the globe. Our best memories live on, sweetly. Missing more moments together may leave a bitter ache.
If one part of the body suffers, then all the other parts suffer with it. Or if one part is honored, then all the other parts share its honor. All of you together are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of that body (1 Corinthians 12:26-27, ERV).
As we wake tomorrow morning, might we all be deeply touched by the bittersweet nature of Mother’s Day this year?
…Sue…
P.S. For those mothers who have lost children, I share touching words of encouragement written by one of our subscribers.
MOTHER’s DAY by Margaret Linnehan
I think about the holidays as they arrive each year. Since losing both of my sons, the holidays are difficult for me and are something to get through and navigate each season. Certain ones are more difficult than others and Mother’s Day I think is the worst of all.
I have a beautiful family that is my chosen family now. I have a wonderful stepson and daughter-in-law. I have a beautiful sister and her children. I have what I call my adopted children, young adults who need a strong female role model in their lives. It is a mutual admiration relationship and I consider myself fortunate to have been able to be a part of this chosen family.
Yet, it does not alleviate the pain of not being able to hold and see my children who I gave birth to; who I loved unconditionally and who are now not walking the earth with me. But it softens the pain and brings a different type of joy.
Others invite me to their celebrations with their families and include me in their kindness and generosity of spirit. To watch the uninterrupted lives of those who haven’t experienced the loss of a child is too difficult for me still, it is a reminder of what I have lost. It does not make me bitter or angry, it just makes me human. I don’t want to bring my sorrow to their joy.
I still have the c-section scar from delivering both of my sons, the memories of their births and the milestones in their lives. Mother’s Day in particular is the most difficult holiday of all because it is a reminder of what I no longer have.
To the women who have other children, do what feels right, honor your lost child along with your remaining children, but please be kind to yourselves. This is your day, if you do not feel like doing something, tell your families what you need. They love you and will respect your wishes.
To those who have lost their only child or all their children, creating new rituals helps me immensely. I go to the beach and then the casino in Atlantic City. The water always soothes me and the casino slot machines provide a distraction from thinking about what day it is (penny machines)! It does not have to cost a great deal. There are not many children or families in a casino, so it is a safe space for the day for me.
While my rituals may not work for you, find ones that do work for you. As Mothers we need to navigate a new normal. The loss of your child/children is one of the most difficult journeys in this lifetime for a parent. Recognize that you need to be kind to yourselves and let those around you know what those needs are, so they can feel better about giving you exactly what you need on Mother’s Day.
