Good morning…
I have been texting with a friend who is making a very hard decision.
“I woke up thinking about Tate,” she wrote. “And the unwanted space in your house. I am so sorry, Sue. I haven’t called because we are heartsick and stomach sick. I feel God is guiding us to memory care. We are crying out to God in the awful angst of feeling there is no good decision. We pray and try to do the next right thing. Excruciating.”
I felt nudged to email my friend these thoughts. “We really struggled with if and when to take Tate into the vet to put her to sleep. We didn’t want to do it too early, and we didn’t want to cause her unnecessary pain by keeping her with us for too long.”
“After we put her to sleep, I came home heartbroken, confused, had we done the right thing?” I explained. “I was in angst and upset, so I went on a walk alone and I took my phone, which is kinda unusual for me. Midway through my walk, the Spirit nudged me to look down at my phone, and this is the poem I read, sent from a friend at the perfect moment.”
******
The Last Battle – Author Unknown
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can’t be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don’t let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn’t want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We’ve been so close — we two — these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.
******
Tate had just had a hard, sleepless night, really struggling to catch each breath, so the first line really hit me. “If it should be that I grow frail and weak And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then will you do what must be done, For this — the last battle — can’t be won.” These words helped me to know that we had bravely done what needed to be done.
Through tears, I felt relief, affirmation from God that we had listened well to Tate’s lead. We had done the right thing at the right time.
I said to my friend, “I don’t know if this will translate to your decision about memory care, but making these hard choices is part of the last battle with Alzheimers, a battle that can’t be won. ‘Don’t grieve that it must be you who has to decide this thing to do.’ That line touches me now. We, I as Tate’s mom and you as a loving wife, are the ones given this holy task of discerning with God the timing of what must be done. For the sake of our loved ones, guiding them to heaven as gently as possible, eventually these hard choices must be made. I love you and am praying for you as you and your family make these hard decisions WITH GOD.”
Relish life with (those) you love each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God’s gift. It’s all you get in exchange for the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it (Ecclesiastes 9:9, MSG).
…Sue…
