Good morning…
My husband Steve has taught, coached, and ministered as the head chaplain of The Lovett School for over twenty-five years. He has served alongside fabulous faculty members, year after year, and their chaplain team tenderly cares for the upper, middle, and lower school students and their families, day in and day out.
On Monday I received the weekly devotional email sent out by Lovett’s chaplain team. I found Jennifer’s words to be quite thought-provoking. Now I forward on her life-giving encouragement. What key questions might God be unlocking in us?
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Our lectionary readings for this week are: Acts 9:1-6, (7-20) • Psalm 30 • Revelation 5:11-14 • John 21:1-19
John: When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” Jesus said to him, “Feed my lambs.”
Acts: [Saul] fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” He asked, “Who are you, Lord?” The reply came, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.”
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As I read the lectionary readings for this week I was struck by the similarities I found in two of the stories – from the gospel of John, the stories of the risen Jesus and Peter on the beach and in Acts, the story of Saul’s conversion on the road to Damascus. At first glance these might seem like totally different stories – one involves one of Jesus’ closest friends and disciples, the other a man dead set on stopping Jesus’ message. One is about love and one is persecution. Yet, in these stories I see similarities – two men are prompted by questions that will, eventually, lead them on an inner journey far from where they began to a place of healing for themselves and the world. Let me tell you what I mean.
The first thing that caught my attention was the questions. In the gospel story, the risen Jesus asks Peter 3 times if he loves him. In Acts, Saul’s conversion begins with a voice from heaven asking, “Why do you persecute me?” Like any good and thoughtful teacher, God begins by engaging both men in questions. Although I grew up hearing these questions in a threatening and rebuking manner (how dare you?!? prove it!), now that I’ve been in the classroom I know that such a demeaning tone only leads to a student internally shutting down. So instead, I imagine God’s tenor as a gentle and loving teacher, one who knows that a hard, thought-provoking question must be asked with utmost care. A teacher who knows the power of posing the right question at just the right time.
Both questions push their listeners straight into uncomfortable and self-reflective territory. For Peter, Jesus’ questions brought him face to face with his own recent memories of denying Jesus three times. This must have been a very tender subject around which he may have felt deep shame. For Saul, God’s question forces him to confront his most deeply held ethical beliefs and soon he realizes his future is deeply tied to those he considered dangerous heretics. The questions God asks are not intended to be answered quickly with easy answers. These questions force the men to probe their deepest fears and darkest secrets. So much so that Saul is struck into silence and Peter stumbles again and again over an answer.
But I believe these questions which pushed them into such uncomfortable territory started both an inner journey, one not adequately described in scripture. Despite the unlikeliness of it, through God’s grace a fisherman who denied Jesus 3x and a man who persecuted the earliest Christians become become two of the biggest names spreading the gospel. I would love to lay eyes on their personal journals to see how their thinking evolved over time. Surely, it didn’t happen in a night. In order to become leaders of God’s healing and love, I believe they had to first have their own experience of God’s healing and love. They had to confront their own histories, shortcomings, and prejudices to find repentance, grace, and transformation. What an arduous and joyful inner journey that must have been! I imagine they were even more surprised than we are to find that their stories could lead to God’s glory.
One of my all-time favorite quotes comes from Ranier Marie Rilke in Letters to a Young Poet. He writes,
“I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
God, like a loving teacher, asked Peter and Saul a question. This question was uncomfortable at the moment, one they couldn’t yet answer, but it set them on a new and unpredictable path. They carried their questions in their hearts for quite a long time, recalling and pondering them in moments of indecision or meaning making. They learned to love the questions God had tenderly gifted them. At first they didn’t have satisfactory answers, but they learned to live the questions. And eventually they found that in doing so they had become great leaders whose own healing and transformation led to the healing and transformation of the world around them. They were living the answers.
What questions is God speaking to us today? Perhaps they are the same questions – “Why do you persecute me?” “Do you love me?” Perhaps they are different questions. Perhaps there is a question that has already been with you a long time. No matter the question, I pray that when we hear it, we are able to pause, to take an inner journey and face our fears. May we attempt to live the questions we are not yet able to answer. For, there are no easy answers, but there is love and grace. On the other side of the questions there is transformation and healing – for us and for our world. May we be brave enough to listen and patient enough to love that which challenges us, like locked rooms and books written in a foreign language. May our questions lead us deeper into God. Amen.
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Jennifer Arnold
Lower School Chaplain
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In this Teacher Appreciate Week, might we each settle into our role as everyday teachers of our forming faith, focusing on the questions that lead us deeper into God. Give your whole attention, all your energies, to these things, so that your progress is plain for all to see. Keep a critical eye both upon your own life and on the teaching you give, and if you continue to follow the line I have indicated you will not only save your own soul but the souls of many of your hearers as well (1 Timothy 4:15-16, PHILLIPS).
…Sue…
