Good morning…

Genesis 2:24-25 lays out God’s blueprint for marriage. For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed or embarrassed. Many newlyweds struggle to ‘leave’ mother and father before bonding in oneness; disconnecting from the first source of human love feels foreign and unnatural. In the growing pains of a new marriage, many of us have a hard time ‘leaving’ well. Seeking autonomy before joining in intimacy, we may cut off from our parents in subtle and not so subtle ways to learn unfamiliar dance steps with our new life partner.

Our challenge as parents of young adults is to encourage our children to shift their primary human loyalty from us as number one to their new spouse as number one. It is sad, it is hard, it hurts to let our kids go, but, as a mother of four, I play out the opposite scenario in my mind. Me remaining the primary person in my kids’ lives as they age? How stifling. Who wants to grow in oneness with a parent rather than a lifelong partner? I pray that all of my kids will find the soulmate God intends for them, leaving the dynamics of our old relationship and cleaving to their new helpmate, naked and unashamed. If we cling to our young adults at this tender stage, (remember the root word for ‘cling’ means ‘to shrink’) the new couple may shrink back from us, and we may hinder our experience of loving and being loved. If we do this transition well, we will lose a child but we will gain two unique adults growing in oneness, a oneness that may eventually birth its own children and grandchildren.

One of my friends going through a bumpy beginning to this challenging life stage transition kept hearing from God: ‘Walk in love.’ ‘Walk in love.’ ‘Walk in love.’ Even when feelings are hurt and dynamics get difficult, this has become my advice to any parent of a newlywed couple: ‘Walk in love.’ Your walk of love will trample down a path for lasting love over generations.

…walk continually in love [that is, value one another—practice empathy and compassion, unselfishly seeking the best for others], just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us… Ephesians 5:2 (AMP),

Sue