Good morning…
I, only half jokingly, said to my husband, “If I were someone else, I am not sure I would want to be my friend. I am close to so many people struggling with so much. I wonder if I, as a friend, am somehow a lightening rod for bad luck!”
Loss of a child, a spouse, a parent. Cancer battles, parenting challenges, facing the ravages of addiction. Divorce, depression, dealing with an uncertain diagnosis. So many who I love dearly are experiencing pain of various sorts. Am I just a magnet for heartache, a catalyst for catastrophe, pulling others into the swirling waters of suffering? As I wrestle with this question, an old saying pops into my mind, describing well my best friend from middle and high school, a girlfriend who helped me to cope with my own teenage angst: “A friend comes in when others go out.”
I recognize that God has gone before me to lay a firm foundation beneath important relationships, coaxing me like a magnet to draw close to many in pain, nudging my soul, “Do not back out, move in.” Yet, I am learning that the LORD’s call to “move in” does not always mean “be physically present,” it does not always mean “cook a homemade meal,” it does not always mean “pick up the phone and find out more information.” To me, “move in” begins, remains, and ends in prayer.
It is hard to tolerate our own strong, powerless emotions in the face of another person’s pain. We want to help. We want to hold. We want to rush in to relieve their anguish. Yet, Only God knows what each person needs from one moment to the next, and only the LORD knows who He has handpicked to minister up close to each aching need. “Moving in” to care for another is not about our own desire to support, to know details, to be a best friend, “moving in” is about being guided by God if, when, and where the LORD directs. To be a good friend to people in pain, we must cope with our own discomfort, sorting out our mixed feelings with God in heartfelt prayer. As a “therapist” I discovered that, without being prayerfully guided by the LORD, our unchecked human urge to know more, to be more, to do more can unintentionally turn us into “the rapist.” Without the Spirit inspiring our words and our deeds, our own good intentions can overstep protective bounds and our anxious attempts to help may actually hurt.
When people are in pain, they need less of us and more of God. Any text or email, any phone call or walk-and-talk, any conversation or meal shared must be saturated first with authentic prayer. When we are chosen by God to “move in,” it is essential to pray and to obey, “LORD, how do You need me to ‘move in’ today?”
It is in the sight of God that we have been speaking [as one] in Christ; and everything, dearly beloved, is to strengthen you [spiritually], 2 Corinthians 12:19b (AMP),
Sue
