Good morning…
I have heard from many of you who have suffered the loss of a lifelong friend due to differing beliefs, since mentioning my own unexpected loss in our recent post, Being Bulldozed. One of your responses touched me so deeply that I asked permission to share the story with our online community as God tenderizes our hearts with the Lord’s loving grace.
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On The Loss of a Meaningful Friend – October 9, 2020
Sue, I feel prompted to share a story with you. It is long and painful and has no resolution. But I feel prompted to tell you.
It begins with my view on the subject of abortion – or more accurately, unwanted pregnancy. As you know, I have been in the field of obstetrics for many, many years. I struggled early on with the issue of abortion. When I first became a labor and delivery nurse, Roe vs Wade had recently passed and my experienced co-workers were looking forward to not having patients come in who had sought back alley abortions. These patients came in with uteruses that had been perforated with coat hangers, some still pregnant, many septic, and often died from their desperate attempt to illegally obtain an abortion. I never saw these women myself because by the time I got there, abortion had become legal.
Our hospital had a wing dedicated to the safe termination of unwanted pregnancies. As a young nurse, I would often be assigned to either the abortion rooms or the recovery room to care for these women. I struggled so much with my situation and finally learned that my job was not to judge, but to love and care for these women on what was probably one of the worst days of their lives.
On the days I worked on the delivery wing, I saw many single young moms having their 5th, 6th baby and who were wondering how they would care for yet another baby. Some were not even teenagers yet and had gotten pregnant by who knows who?
When I became a nurse-midwife, I can’t tell you how many times I handed a newborn baby to a mother who wouldn’t even look at her baby because she didn’t want it. I knew I was sending some of these babies to a home where they would suffer neglect and/or terrible abuse by boyfriends, family members, anyone. I came away from there not being pro-abortion or pro-life, but being profoundly called not to judge anyone’s choice. How could I if I wasn’t willing to take all those unwanted babies home and raise them myself?
Backing up, one of my dearest dearest friends got married and had a baby. This friend was my roommate in college and was really like a sister to me. She got pregnant with her second baby and got toxoplasmosis from cats at a barn where she took her son for horse riding lessons. That is one of those lethal infections for babies and mamas. She was in the ICU, fighting for her life, lost the baby in her 2nd trimester, and ended up with a hysterectomy at 28 years old. She recovered and adopted a beautiful baby girl.
After that she became involved in a clinic for unwanted pregnancies that showed films of abortions and used scare tactics to convince women not to have abortions. She desperately wanted me to join her there but I could not after my other experiences.
I’ll never forget the last day of our friendship. It broke my heart. I was in the front yard with my firstborn, who was 3 months old at the time (now 38 years old). My friend was in her car, screaming at me the most hurtful words because I didn’t agree with her. She called me when she got home and apologized, but the damage was done. We were never friends again and I’m still very sad about it because I still love her. I think some hurts stay with us for a lifetime. But we just have to let them go for whatever lesson God is teaching us.
After that I only worked in private practice, where the babies are loved, wanted, and cared for. I’m so sorry your friend judged you and hurt you.
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Compassion comes in many forms, but this story brings tears to my eyes for many different reasons. I have heard it said, “Without a tear in the writer, there will be no tear in the eye of the reader.” Tears flow for the young girls caught in these frightening, unwanted situations. Tears for the babies lost before their earthly lives begin. Tears for the newborns who go home to unsafe homes of abuse. Tears for my friend who still loves her estranged friend after 38 years. Tears of understanding how much it hurts to be bulldozed by the judgement of my own longtime friend. Jesus knows our multi-faceted pain very well, as he was betrayed by the kiss of a friend, he was murdered by the people he came to save, and he also cries over every child of God aborted or abused.
When human love falls apart, we all fall into the loving care of …the Father of sympathy (pity and mercy) and the God [Who is the Source] of every comfort (consolation and encouragement), Who comforts (consoles and encourages) us in every trouble (calamity and affliction), so that we may also be able to comfort (console and encourage) those who are in any kind of trouble or distress, with the comfort (consolation and encouragement) with which we ourselves are comforted (consoled and encouraged) by God (2 Corinthians 1:3-5, AMPC).
Falling into the loving grace of God, individually and collectively, is our only hope for healing.
…Sue…
P.S. For those following along with our God-guided, interactive study of Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea, our fresh installment of Week Five material can be found here: https://www.northsideumc.org/gift-from-the-sea-study/
