Good morning…
“Hey sweet and wise Sue,” she wrote. “I’m catching up on my emails from yesterday and ironically saw your post “Surviving the Teen Years”….and it was as if God told you to write that for me!”
“I’m in the THICK of it with my oldest daughter,” she explained. “My sweet girl has faced so much rejection from her peers and has just experienced such mean girl, non inclusive friendships throughout high school. The worst experience happening I think the spring of her junior year so she totally crashed this summer on our family vacation. I knew we had lost her when she wasn’t herself this summer.”
“As a mom I went through times of being mad at her and completely heartbroken for her, and I really have felt so alone in this and not knowing how to help her,” she confided. “I finally woke up one day and knew she needed more help than I could give so I sent her to a counselor who is a gift from God. She’s become the older sister and friend that my daughter doesn’t have. This has been been helpful and I’ve seen a renewed hope in her. However, as senior year has started and the first couple days of excitement have worn off, she is now back in a bad place with her friend group… these girls are just awful (side note, this class is known as a pretty bad class which is unlucky for us) and she’s taking it out on me of course.”
“As her mom this makes me sad and I get it and I’ll take it, but last night was rough… I found myself so mad and not knowing how I will be able to handle this year and the highs and lows of helping her get through this… until I read your post this morning,” she admitted. “Your post alone totally refocused me and centered me and reminded me how I can get through this. I needed the reminder of how we trust God to parent our teens through us, this time is VERY humbling and we can’t do it alone. We must honestly talk to God about our struggles. I feel comforted about your point of seeking guidance when families face challenges, ‘wise people listen to advice’… which is why I trusted my instincts that my daughter needed a counselor versus just my husband and me.”
“Anyway, I’m rambling but I couldn’t let this day go by without thanking you for writing this post and every post… you are one of the wisest, and our community is so lucky to have you share your wisdom with us,” she affirmed. “Please keep writing! I have felt hopeless but now I feel like I can get through today and the coming days which I fear will be dark. God’s light will lead us forward as we transition her to college next year. I keep telling her ‘the best is yet to come!'”
“I miss you so much!” she added. “Hope you and your family are well…and by the way, I spent a month at Frontier Ranch in Colorado when I was your son’s age and it changed my life! It’s such a special place to me!!!”
“Hello,” I responded right away. “I think the ‘mean girl’ phase of middle school and high school can be the absolute worst one for mothers and daughters. We are so powerless over what other people say to us and to our loved ones. We human beings want so badly to fit in, to be liked, to feel loved, but when we are young we are so self centered. Trying desperately to get ‘in’ with the crowd, we can aggressively push others ‘out.’ This dynamic is so painful to watch, especially when it involves such heartache, shunning, loneliness.”
“Your daughter is really lucky to have you as her mom, a mom who sees her, knows her, wants to support her,” I encouraged. “I am grateful you have connected her to a counselor who is helping her to navigate these deep, difficult waters. I know many of us have been, are, or will be just where you are. Might I share our exchange anonymously for the benefit of all?”
“We are invited to keep our focus on our Heavenly Father, entrusting our kids into God’s loving care,” I wrote. “As we pour out the pain in our mama’s heart, the Holy Spirit can guide us through very challenging times. Miraculously we are given the ability to hold our tongue, sort through our own struggles, and listen attentively to God and to our children. When the moment is right, healing Holy Spirit words might appear on our lips, if we humbly surrender ourselves to be used by God as the LORD sees fit.”
“It is such a painful joy to be a mother as we witness the struggles our kids go through without any power to fix, to save, or to set others straight. But isn’t it more freeing to trust, ‘God has got our children,’ and to believe that sometimes the Spirit might spur us to be a small part of God’s healing plan? A hug here. A talk there. A meal that nourishes more than a stomach. Being beside our hurting children, we learn to trust our Creator’s care as we wrap them in our constant prayers.”
“From the day of their birth our kids belong first to God, we are just supporting spectators in the mysterious marathon of their life,” I concluded. “Trusting God with our kids is harder on some days than others. You are experiencing some of the hardest days of one of the hardest life seasons. With our focus firmly on the One who loves all of us immeasurably, the One who is constantly with us, the One who yearns to guide us as we guide our children, we will witness God rising up to write the daily story of each unique family member.”
“I miss you too,” I added. “We will be sending out links to our fall classes soon. Sending my love and prayers as you abide in trusting oneness with the God who sees all, knows all, and loves us all unconditionally.”
“Oh Sue,” she replied, “I couldn’t even make it through your first paragraph back to me without tears streaming down my face. I am literally feeling the deepest pain I have ever felt since she was born, right now. I feel so alone in this, but reading your email has lifted my spirits! I keep telling her ‘hurt people hurt people’ but it doesn’t make my mama’s heart feel any better. I also remind her that God won’t give her anything she can’t handle WITH HIM and that there must be some reason He’s chosen her to take on all she has been given. I keep telling her ‘you’ve got this,’ but watching her slide into depression and anxiety from all of this and seeing the wall go up around her, it’s crushing!”
“The good thing is her willingness to attack the depression by being brave and seeing the counselor and also understanding that sometimes you need help that only medicine can give, and that’s been life changing!” she shared. “The scary thing is that one of the reasons she’s faced so much rejection is her saying ‘no’ to doing things that she isn’t ready for and knows are wrong. I’m proud of her for staying focused in school and sports and trying to do the right thing in high school, and I just pray that she doesn’t stop making the good decisions she’s made. I’m praying for healing and for her heart and soul to continue to look to God and only God, and to know that as long as she has Him, she will get through this! Hoping and praying!”
“Thanks for always responding and you continue to amaze me with your wisdom and always knowing what to say and writing it so eloquently!” she concluded. “You are an angel! Thank you for all you do, and YES, I know I’m not alone in this girl mom world, and I would love for you to share so that someone else out there also dealing with this maybe won’t feel as alone as I feel right now! Thank you so much!”
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young (Isaiah 40:11, NIV).
…Sue…
P.S. As promised, here is the registration link to our fall classes offered through the Women’s Ministry at Northside Church. Browse the various options and register as you feel led.
