Good morning…
I have been pondering a portion of the Richard Rohr quote shared in our recent post Our Uphill Climb. “…do not waste a moment of time lamenting poor parenting, lost job, failed relationship, physical handicap, gender identity, economic poverty, or even the tragedy of any kind of abuse,” wrote Rohr.
In my heart of hearts, I disagree. Lamenting is not a waste of time. Our deep sadness turns to settled joy if we trust God to guide us through our darkest night.
My soul says, “Give yourself time to lament if you need to. Lament long and loud. Lament until the pain reveals God’s higher purposes.” To lament means to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret. To lament is to mourn deeply. To bawl or bemoan. To hurt or to howl. To wail or to weep. Learning to lament is a languishing, life-giving process.
Our community has lost another 23-year-old to suicide. Now is a crucial time to lament. Gathering at the high school where this young man grew up, one of his coaches shared touching words of lament. A friend shared with me his words, and I am sharing a few of his wise words with you.
There’s a feeling of frustration going on – that feeling inside, a presence of so many emotions that, quite simply, you don’t know what to do with. Do you scream? Hug someone? Punch your pillow? Go back to bed?I write these words as a common man, but a man who looks himself in the mirror tired of his lack of assertiveness, tired of not speaking up. Things need to be said. Someone once wrote that politics aren’t to be talked about, but if you’re ever going to solve anything, how can you not talk about them?Same with depression. Anxiety. Pressures, self-imposed or otherwise.“Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.”
In lament, we muster the gentle courage to say, “I’m not okay.” In lament, sometimes we crawl out of bed to inch our way through, “I’m not okay.” In lament, we learn to share with loved ones, honestly, “I’m not okay.” The beloved coach went on to share more poignant thoughts.
I’ve always hated when coaches use the phrase 110-percent. Sorry pals, that don’t exist, and some days you can’t even offer up a hundred – or 85 – or lower. Because some days you throw three interceptions, make a (gasp!) 74 on a big test, trip on the runway while you’re trying to soar. Sometimes the brownies get burned, the Ninjas win, the tires go flat.We often read on social media where “she said yes!” Guess what? Sometimes she says no. Sometimes she doesn’t let you get to the point of taking a knee in the first place. In this game of life where we’re all supposed to be perfect, hell we’re not even winning! The other team is up 5-2 and they’re still batting!Anyway, three rules got me through my personal depression, and three rules only:1) Go to God.2) Be me and only me.3) Period.
Lament invites us to crawl up on the lap of our loving LORD, again and again. Day and night. Lament gradually grows in us the inner strength to be me. Really me, only me. Period. Without judgement or pressure or predetermined time frame, we give ourselves the gift of lament. God takes our right hand and our true self takes the other, as lament walks us up from the valley of our own personal depression. Slowly. Surely. Small step by small step.
[ A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord. ] Hear my prayer, Lord; let my cry for help come to you (Psalm 102:1, NIV).
…Sue…
