Good morning…
This week our blogs have focused on supporting one another, close friends and strangers, through the painful parts of life. A longtime friend wrote me a touching email about the loving support she received years ago.
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Letters by Ella Herlihy
In response to your post about how to love someone well when they are suffering and your heartstrings are pulled to care for them…
We experienced what people refer to as the peace that surpasses understanding when we had a stillborn baby back in 2006. As people texted or emailed to say they were praying for us, and we knew they were, we were surrounded by a cloud of peacefulness. The verse about when we don’t know how to pray, the spirit intervenes, was beautifully true in this time. Of course we tried to pray, but it was so hard. Knowing that others were lifting us up and praying on our behalf, gave us a perfect peace, even in the midst of a terrible storm. Prayer is a beautiful gift and letting someone know you are praying for them is also a gift.
I still have letters eighteen years later that people sent us when Fitz died. I read them all last year on his birthday. Most of the people we knew, but some not very well. Some people we had known for many years had never shared they too had lost a child. Our loss gave them the opportunity to come alongside us and share in our grief and pain and let us know that they too had walked this path. People we had never met shared their care for us through cards and letters. They brought comfort and healing.
Neighbors who didn’t know us well enough to drop off a meal donated to a fund for meal delivery. This was a huge blessing to be able to order food on days I couldn’t cook. Those who knew us well brought food to our home. I still remember a chocolate chip pound cake a sweet neighbor delivered that was a balm for my weary soul.
One of the sweetest memories from that time shows how a simple act can be a blessing to someone who is grieving or in a hard season. My next door neighbor was a mom my age whose kids played with mine every afternoon. She didn’t really know what to say, but also didn’t want to be distant. She came over one afternoon and knocked on my door. I felt like answering. I invited her in, and like many other days before, we migrated to the kitchen. While I sat on a chair and we chatted, she noticed the sink was full of dirty dishes. She simply walked over and started washing them. I was too worn out for the normal cliche of “don’t do that, I’ll get it later.” She saw a need and she filled it. A beautiful gift to someone who didn’t even know they needed it.
Don’t ask “What can I do to help?” because the sufferer often doesn’t know what they need. Ask the Holy Spirit what you can do that authentically shows love and care to them. As Ron stated it so well, look at the level of your own intimacy with them and engage accordingly. But know that your letter, your hug, your donation to an appropriate charity in their honor or memory, your dropped off homemade bread or store bought sandwiches, or a gift card for later, all are meaningful. This is the body of Christ.
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We are the living, breathing body of Christ. Might we ask the Holy Spirit, “What can I do to authentically show love?” Day after day, we will be inspired to do the things that are ours to do, and the peace that surpasses understanding will peacefully pass through us.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ (2 Corinthians 1:3-5, NIV).
…Sue…
P.S. Photo by Vincent van Zalinge on Unsplash.
