Good morning…
Two weeks ago, our Fab 5 friend group circled up with Jennifer DeShelter over lunch. Jennifer is the mother of beloved Audrey, who passed away fifteen months ago after a fifteen year battle with pediatric cancer.
Then last week, Audrey’s dad, Ben, posted this moving message on Facebook.
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This week would have marked the beginning of Audrey’s junior year at Notre Dame. It is difficult to even write those words.
Audrey absolutely loved Notre Dame. She wanted to experience all of it; to live the full college life, to make memories with her friends, and to be part of something bigger than herself. Jennifer and I were recently talking about some of those memories: the card game nights with friends on the weekends, how she would make sure all of her homework was finished so she wouldn’t miss a single tailgate on game day, her pre-game pyramid rituals to give the Irish luck, and how so many of her friends introduced her to her first Mass in the dorm.
Audrey loved her friends deeply, and she loved sharing life with them. Even when she was exhausted and struggling with her lung condition, one evening, she decided to make her friends an orange creamsicle cake in the dorm. It was her favorite, and she wanted them to have something she loved. She gave of herself even when she had so little energy to give.
We are so grateful for the time we were given with Audrey. But we also ache for all the time we thought we would have. We yearn for the birthdays, the holidays, the conversations, the ordinary days, and all the moments we will never get to experience with her.
I cannot describe how profoundly Audrey blessed our lives. Her eternal optimism, her fearlessness, her faith, and her determination brought hope and joy to everyone around her. She made as all want to be better versions of ourselves. To this day, she constantly makes me want to be a better father, a better husband, and a better disciple of Christ.
Jennifer, Scott, and I think about Audrey every single day. I never truly understood how deeply you could love and miss someone until they were no longer here. There is a space in our lives that only Audrey could fill, and we feel that absence every day.
People sometimes say that grief is love with nowhere to go. C.S. Lewis wrote about grief having the same physical sensation as fear. For me, it feels like both but it’s more. For me, it sometimes like being lost in the darkness, grasping out for something familiar, something that might lead me back to solid ground.
What brings me back to the light is faith.
Audrey had a strong and beautiful faith. Her sudden death has, in some ways, lifted the veil from this life and made so many things that once seemed important feel so small. I are reminded of what truly matters: loving God, loving one another, and living with the promise that this life is not the end.
We believe that, through our Savior, there will come a day when we are reunited with Audrey. That promise does not erase our grief, but it gives us hope. And sometimes, hope is what gets us through another day.
So this week, our hearts will be especially with Audrey’s friends from high school and Notre Dame, her hall mates, RAs, and rector at Welsh Family Hall, her professors and faculty, staff, priests, and every person who touched her life and helped make her final years so incredibly special.
Thank you for loving our daughter. Thank you for welcoming her, laughing with her, praying with her, studying with her, celebrating with her, and simply being there for her. We are forever grateful that Audrey got to experience such a beautiful year surrounded by people who cared for her so deeply.
You will always be part of her story, and you will always be part of ours. We will never forget the kindness and love you showed our daughter.
Revelation 21:4: “God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.”
We will always carry Audrey with us in our hearts, in our faith, and in the way we try to live our lives.
Many of you have also asked about the fund established in Audrey’s honor. The Audrey Joy DeShetler Endowment of Excellence has been established at Notre Dame to support students with physical disabilities and faith initiatives. If you feel called to contribute, you can do so here:
Audrey DeShetler Memorial Fund – http://giving.nd.edu/DeShetler-memorial
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In John 12:24 (VOICE) Jesus says: I tell you the truth: unless a grain of wheat is planted in the ground and dies, it remains a solitary seed. But when it is planted, it produces in death a great harvest.
Audrey is like this grain of wheat. May the Audrey Joy DeShetler Endowment of Excellence fund produce a great harvest for generations to come.
…Sue…
