Good morning…
There is a woman I am having a really hard time with. We experience life very differently. As much as I see the green in a space, she sees the yellow. I love art, poetry, creative expression. She prefers facts, details, everything adding up rationally. I love the fun of finding fallen feathers. She doesn’t like birds, aren’t they unsanitary? I’m a Holy Spirit in-the-moment girl. She is quite efficient, crossing every t, dotting every i. I enjoy holding things loosely, open, flexible, trusting. She grabs control as she anticipates every bend in the road. For me, the last minute is joyfully fertile. For her, if it wasn’t done yesterday her anxiety grows. We share a history of hurting each other unintentionally. Our differences just naturally inflict subtle pain.
So . . . we are planning this thing together, and to be honest the process is driving me crazy. I have watched myself built a fence around my heart. With each and every clash of opinion, I add another layer to my fence of self-protection. As conflicts arise, “I give up.” I shut down. I let her win. I swallow my voice. I close the Spirit in. I keep this lady out. Hiding behind a wall of silence, I pretend she cannot hurt me again. But aren’t I somehow hurting myself?
Living beneath a fearful, false armor is not God’s way. As I build a firm fence around my vulnerable heart, I might shut her out, but in the process the real me gets locked away, walled off authentic giving and receiving. As I relinquish to any person my God-given power, something gets lost. Something valuable gets lost.
In the quiet space of this nighttime solitude, the Spirit draws me to a Bible verse I have never met before. From now on I’m taking the yoke from your neck and splitting it up for kindling. I’m cutting you free from the ropes of your bondage (Nahum 1:13, MSG). God sets me free to follow a new lead. I am no longer bound to this hard-for-me person. I am yoked to the living Christ breathing right here with me. As God splits up this new kindling from my old yoke, might my true self be gently fanned into flame again?
One of my favorite verses now pops in my mind. Jesus resumed talking . . . but now tenderly . . . “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly” (Matthew 11:27-30, MSG).
Tired, worn out, burned out from fortifying my own fence, I give my depleting defenses a much needed rest. Watching I see. The living Christ is walking with me. The Spirit of God is at work in me. I am learning to trust more deeply the unforced rhythms of grace. Yoked to God’s company, my burden is light as invisible power does the heavy lifting. In and out, my soft soul breathes free.
This cool rock in the picture above says it all beautifully: “That fence I build around my heart – real good kindling.”
…Sue…
