What Do I Really, Really Want?

Good morning…

A dear, dear friend just wrote and posted her first blog yesterday.

It is wise. It is informative. It is tender and life-giving. Now I share with you just a portion of her message on this second Saturday morning in March.

******

The Path by Juli Able

It’s only been recently that I’ve learned the important role of listening to my desires in the context of spiritual discernment. By discernment, I mean “wisdom that enables me to see and interpret the leading of the Holy Spirit.” [i] It differs from decision-making (which is largely a thinking-based consideration of choices). Discernment, in contrast, comes from our hearts. It’s about discovering the deepest desires of our hearts, those planted by God.

A retreat leader recently shared with me that only three questions are needed in places of discernment:

What do I want?

What do I really want? and …

What do I really, really want? [ii]

This surprised me. I’d been taught not to trust my heart. But in the cautionary advice, I failed to even listen to my heart. I just stuffed all that mess in the caboose. Problem is, the caboose got heavier and heavier. Feelings don’t go away when I ignore them. They still influence me; I’m just less aware that they are. A heavy caboose is train wreck waiting to happen! Or it’s an inevitable break down. And while it’s unwise to immediately trust my feelings, it’s crucial to examine them, which is what these three questions invited.

I learned that the first question (What do I want?) will likely elicit fears and anxieties taking up space inside. (I want my son to not lose his job. I want him to stop self-harming. I want this new therapy to provide relief.)

The second question often touches the surface of life. Not necessarily superficial, but of a more practical nature. (I really want a vacation. I really want a quiet, peaceful day – a break from the tension. I really want to go hiking in the woods on a cool, fall day.)

This opens the way to the third question, peeling back another layer, reaching deeper desires, God-planted longings in my heart. (I really, really want to feel supported. I really, really want to know I’m not alone in this. I really, really want to show up as I am, as I am able, and be accepted. I really, really want to experience God’s presence where I am and feel completeness and contentment here. I really, really want my son to be whole.)

George Ashenbrenner, a priest and author says, “To discover what we deeply, truly desire forces us to wade into a swamp of needs, expectations, demands, casual wishes, moods, obligations, and much more. Your deepest, truest desire may coincide with one or another of these interior experiences but will always cut deeper into your heart than any of them.

True desire is fire in the heart.” [iii]

True desire is fire in my swampy heart.

—-

[i] Father Jim Manny, S.J.

[ii] Father Jim Fleming, “Discerning Great Desires in Ignatian Prayer, Ignatius House Retreat Center, Atlanta, GA, May 2, 2023

[iii] George Aschenbrenner, S.J., “Stretched for Greater Glory”, 2004

******

Might we take a few reflective moments to stair-step our way down into the fiery swamp of our own tender heart? Each of us is equipped by God to receive the deep wisdom enabling us to see and interpret the leading of the Holy Spirit. In this quiet time of spiritual discernment, let’s close our eyes, focus inward, and pay close attention to the inklings rising up from within.

1. What do I want?
2. What do I really want?
3. What do I really, really want?

Take great joy in the Eternal! His gifts are coming, and they are all your heart desires! (Psalm 37:4, VOICE).

…Sue…