I Was Spiraling Down

Good morning…

Multi-tasking mightily, I had forgotten to attend an important meeting. Jolted awake from sleep, my glaring mistake dawned on me. I swiftly began beating myself up. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I so hate my imperfections. My spirit was drooping, and I was spiraling down. I process myself best by journalling, so I jumped out of bed and I plopped onto the couch. I needed to write in the middle of the dark night.

As my body came to rest in my familiar spot, what did I notice staring back at me? On top of my journal, I saw a little card, a small thank you note I had opened earlier in the day. I had been too rushed to read…until…this perfectly quiet moment with God.

“We are deeply grateful for the kindness and compassion you extended to our family during our time of loss,” said the beautifully printed words in the center of the card. Even more gorgeous were the handwritten words shared by my friend.

“Sue,” she wrote. “Forgive the lateness of this note…but I couldn’t close out my thank you notes without sending one to you. My goodness – what you and your ministry has meant to me! I know God put you in my life (and me in your class) to help restore my faith when it was low and in need of nurturing. How incredible to be His servant in that way! To be his hands and feet and voice. I know we are all called to do so – and we do from time to time – but I’ve never known anyone to do so as totally and beautifully as you do. Thank you.”

I was beating myself up, spiraling down, feeling like a useless, good-for-nothing slacker. Then…God came to me in the gentle handwriting of a friend…lifting my spirit…gently encouraging me in love. Her honest “thanks” sparked my honest “thanks.”

“Thank you, God, for coming to me, for freeing me into total, beautiful surrender.” Unhooked from my anxiety, my self-loathing, my striving to be perfect, I laid myself down again, hands and feet and voice.

So put away all pride from yourselves. You are standing under the powerful hand of God. At the right time He will lift you up. Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:6-7, NLV).

…Sue…